Sunday, July 31, 2011

Chia Seeds

I'm really skeptical when it comes to 'hot' foods. Like maca or whatever magic superfood is supposed to make everything ok.

That being said, Chia Seeds kick ass for real. Rather then a rush, it's just, you have more long term energy. Because they absorb so much water (nine times their size) they make you feel fuller and two tbls has 24 percent of your daily fiber.

I started having them for breakfast as made here Healthful Sense and have used a blueberry slurry and almond milk combo as well. 1/4 cup makes a BIG serving, about a cup. It seems like a lot but it goes down well and doesn't sit in the stomach.

If you don't like pudding textures you could throw a handful of oats to muesli in after everything has jelled. I have also used them with pomegranite juice to eat throughout the day and there is a recipe of that blog for chia jam that is fantastic.

They don't get slimy like flaxseed and don't have to be ground either, plus they don't go rancid. Ground flax in a smoothie can get gross really fast. They also have more nutritional value, protein and whatnot.

I'm looking to buy in five pound bags because at $9 a pound that's just too spendy. But it is something I will continue to eat.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Tastes better then it looks, honest.

I can't really credit anyone person as this recipe is all over the place. Here is my version. I am going to try them with some pumpkin instead of banana, eventually.

2 egg whites
1 banana
1 scoop protein powder (I use Vegan Vanilla)
throw some flax meal in there or not

I smash the banana first and then which the rest of it. I cook it in a generous scoop of coconut oil because it's good for you and tasty. Sometimes I throw blueberries all over it while cooking. Today it was a papaya and pineapple puree with chia seeds.

It makes a big breakfast for one. More like banana pancakes then you'd think. I have no idea how many calories as I'm not counting right now.  It didn't sit like a lump in my stomach and while I was full, I didn't feel logy at all.

Sorry about the sucky picture, I was REALLY hungry after the gym and didn't want to look for my camera.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Anything else?

Ok, we have Agave (Amazon has great prices, much less then grocery.) instead of sugar. Coconut oil instead of butter (Amazon) which I really like.

Picking up some vegan and raw cookbooks at the library. Going to make cookies out if chickpeas and chocolate mousse out of avocados.

This latter sound disgusting, but if the boy will eat it that would be fabulous. I'll keep you posted.


Monday, July 25, 2011

Well, that kinda sucks.

I am 42.6 percent fat. I should be between 30 and 34 percent. There's something to work on...

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Thats funny.

I am really excited about using the Chia seeds I'm waiting for. No, really, I am.

Day Nine

Yesterday was a little hard.  kept thinking about toast and cake. SO much so that I got a piece of raisin bread out of the freezer (Oregon Trail, good stuff). My thinking was that since I was eating veggies and fruit plus juicing that this would be fine. I can't follow that line of reasoning either.

Then I realised I was one day eight and it was kind of stupid to blow it for something that will still be there a week from now. That is a big part of my eating problem. For a long time as a teen and when  was pregnant with my first food was not something on hand. So you ate as much as possible when it was.

This carried over as feeling anxious anytime I got hungry. The subconcious is a wonderful thing, but I have learned that it is not very smart. It takes the worst case scenario and preps you for that even when you are no longer in that sort of environment.

This can result in all sorts of things like creating drama so you can cope with it and eating too much because it's there. For starters.

Because it's well, sub conscious it's sneaky so you have to go through a constant ritual of double checking. Do I really want/need to react/behave this way or is this an old ingrained survival pattern?

As you get older, hopefully, things that saved your life became unnecessary. Problem is, your subconsious is the last to know and skeptical to boot. Sometimes it's no big deal, other times it results in marrying someone just like your abusive parent.

Unless you bring your subconscious to the surface and show it that hey, everything IS BETTER now, you  will create and recreate what you've survived, not (and I don't get this) what you flourish in. There is a very important difference here. Surviving means you keep breathing, it's really not that great. But, we tend to settle for it because for a long time, that was the best we could hope for.

Now we are all grown up. We can make decisions. We can defend ourselves and try new things without terrible ramifications. We can be treated well without it being a set up. All kinds of nifty things.

But here I am at 45 looking at a fucking piece of raisin bread. Actually, there is a lot of it, when we do have money I buy and store all the food I can. This is an example of a helpful survival behavior. But the low level panic that led me to the freezer? Not so much.

Unless raisin bread thieves break in and make it past the dogs (ha ha) it will still be there (no one else likes it) when I've done with day fifteen. I realized too that some of this comes from my husbands current job ended with no next one in sight and enough money to just cover bills for August.  That old 'store up' now urge is always there, but I don't think raisin bread is going to make a difference. Logically.

Subconsciously, I'm still working on that. Just like I'm working on not creating horrific scenarios (in my head) that God willing will never happen so I'll 'be prepared'. Not only is it false security but it's grotesque and needing to do that was a big part of my WTF?! moment. Who thinks that shit up? Well, me.

So now I stop.

Having the dogs is why I no longer map out an escape plan every night 'just in case'. But I don't think they can help me with the raisin bread. It's very funny to me, really, to have come through (for the most part) what I have and still have this minute long conversation with a piece of bread in plastic wrap.

ANYway, I'm not sure if I'm very clear (I gave up on concise four paragraphs ago) but what I'm saying is that it's good to slow down and check yourself every now and again. It's hard when you are a head dweller, but being out really isn't that bad.

If I honestly take stock of the why of what I do, I can see there are still some behaviors that don't jive with now. Now is where I am, I'd like to live there as well as possible.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I love you Tim! *screaming fan girl sound*

Dude, if this doesn't fix any funk, enlighten any chore, then well, you must suck or something. Or you are my husband. But in all fairness there are some cultural divides too wide to consider crossing, I'm listing to the whole original soundtrack while cleaning the kitchen. SO awesome.

I think what gets missed often is the caliber of acting and the really well done soundtrack. I'm mean, yeah, it's campy as hell, but it's no B Movie.

Shoot, he's even hot in Muppet Treasure Island.


No running, for two weeks minimum. Not a shin splint but an issue with Plantar and Dorsal Flexation (mostly that mine doesn't) that hooks into my Periformas being tighter then insert metaphor of your liking here.

My trainer is moving. Good news is my new one is getting his PT/OT Degree and interning while training. So it's like free PT. Sort of. So now we get to work on fixing me.

Not having bionic parts really sucks.

Monday, July 18, 2011

July Pics

I'm thinking it might be time to take pictures with a 'real' camera. See my baggy pants? I used to have ass there. New shorter hair. Less chins. Gotta throw in the April Before Picture. That's Kinley wondering why the hell I'm just standing there.

Funniest discovery? Being at the gym and realizing I have a crotch. Usually there would be the fat apron hanging over most of that. Not that I'm all about you looking at my crotch, but if you click on the pics and zoom in you can see the difference.

Those pants used to be snug. My biggest challenge remains the inner tube abdomen. My hips are now 47 (down from 50) but my gut is still 48 (down from 52). But that can only get better.

Random Nutritional Fact

or something else I didn't know.

"The Best Food for Bones: Fruits and Vegetables 

Millions of women have been falsely led to believe that there is a correlation between osteoporosis and the inadequate intake of dairy foods. Bone health is much more than just calcium. Vegetables, beans, fruits, and nuts are rich sources of calcium, potassium, vitamin K, magnesium, and vegetable protein, as well as the phytochemicals and micronutrients that are gaining recognition to be important for bone strength. Calcium is an important component, but like protein, we don’t need as much of it as most people think. The current U.S. daily calcium recommendation of 1200 to 1500 milligrams for postmenopausal women is an attempt to offset the ill-effects of the Standard American Diet which creates excessive calcium loss in the urine because most people consume so much sodium, caffeine and animal protein. 

Contrary to popular belief, you do not need dairy products to get sufficient calcium. Every natural food contains calcium. When you eat a healthy diet, rich in natural foods such as vegetables, beans, nuts, and seeds, it is impossible not to obtain sufficient calcium. In fact, the addition of more natural plant foods to the diet has been shown to have a powerful effect on increasing bone density and bone health. Fruits and vegetables strengthen bones. Researchers found that those who eat the most fruits and vegetables have denser bones.4 These researchers concluded that fruits and vegetables are not only rich in potassium, magnesium, calcium and other nutrients essential for bone health, but, because they are alkaline, not acid-producing, they do not induce urinary calcium loss. Green vegetables, in particular have a powerful effect on reducing hip fractures, for they are not only rich in calcium, but other nutrients as well, such a vitamin K, which is crucial for bone health.5 

So most unprocessed, natural foods contain calcium and green vegetables have particularly high levels. In fact, one four-ounce serving of steamed collards or kale has about the same amount of calcium as one cup of milk. Take a look at some natural foods and their approximated calcium levels. 

Bok-choy two cups …………………….. 300 mg 
Broccoli, two cups . . . . . . . . . ………… 150 mg 
Collard greens, two cups . . . . . . . . . . . . 600 mg 
Calcium-fortified orange juice (8 oz) . . 300 mg 
Garbanzo beans, one cup . . . . . . . . . . . 150 mg 
Kale, two cups . . . . . . . . . . . . ………… 350 mg 
Milk one cup ……………………………...300 mg 
Orange (one) ……………………………….60 mg 
Romaine Lettuce 4 cups…………………150 mg 
Sesame seeds ¼ cup…………………….350 mg 
Soybeans, one cup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175 mg 
Spinach, two cups…………………………500 mg 
Sweet potato, two cups . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150 mg 
Tahini (sesame seed paste) two tbsp. . ..300 mg" 


Day Four

I woke up and I feel...good. Not tired, not nauseous. Not magically recovered and injury free, but good. What I'm eating tastes good. I don't feel puffy. Which I shouldn't because I'm down another pound which makes six pounds since Friday. Normally I lose a half pound every two weeks.

Now, I didn't do this because of the weight loss (although that's a nice perk) but because I felt like shit almost all the time and because I wasn't losing I was gaining. It' sheen so long since I've spent real time out of my head that I need to get to know my body better rather then just gassing up with a box of Frosted Flakes.

Now, from what I'm reading most don't start to feel ok until day four or five and then hit 'great' around day six. I think that the changes I made a month or so ago and have stuck with make this a lot easier for me. No lie. I basically just had to cut out wheat, rice, any meats (don't eat them often) and dairy.

The fact that I am doing the fifteen day version (juicing AND eating veggies and fruits) is the saving grace though. Because I am eating I don't get anxious and while I admit I've spent more time in the bathroom then usual, I think the eating of the whole food is better for my digestive system.

I'm also eating lentils and beans which is not technically 'allowed' but this isn't technically by the book either. I think I may be an accidental vegan.

SO I suspect that a great many of my general malaise related woes are in fact some sort of low grade food allergy. But I can suss that out later. Right now I need to recover from these stupid injuries. I have to think being six pounds lighter helps.

Oh, and I only wanted half a cup of coffee this morning. How crazy is that?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Where to start?

Got down to 231 three weeks ago and a few days later went up to 235. Now, please don't tell me it's muscle. It takes a man daily workouts, hardcore workouts for a month to gain ONE pound of muscle. Could be water, I don't give a shit really.

Started getting tired all the time again, felt like my meds weren't working to the point I was ready to ask my doctor about switching.

Sallied forth.

Hurt my VMO which is a little muscle of great importance on the inside of your right knee. Knee problems are my big concern, no health insurance means I don't get to do risky stuff. This is why my dog scooter is rusty. *sigh*

While running intervals I compensated for the VMO by putting more weight on the left (weaker leg) and as a result ended up with an Anterior Tibliasomething basically a shin splint. This hurt so bad I considered that I may have a stress fracture. I was actually hobbling.

SO, thursday, friday, saturday, no workout, total rest. Ok, off my feet as much as possible. Ice. Advil. Today I did a totally stupid workout on the totally stupid bike thing of stupidity at the gym which I hate because it's stupidly lame.

No really. I could burn the motor off that thing and still not raise my heart rate.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, thursday, I think, I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and you should to. I've never been to invested in a person then I was with Phil (second half of the movie). Got my juicer from the basement and cleaned of the cobwebs and what I think may have been a cricket at one time.

Still really angry about not being able to run, still frustrated that I'm not losing (and no I'm not getting smaller) pissed that I did this to myself and waited so long to fix it. Flummoxed as to why my program isn't working. Or stopped, rather.

I know that my heart gets in shape, I've been that fat person doing martial arts. I do NOT want to be the fat person running. I don't, I know thats great for others, I do not want to. The last time I did any real long term exercise was gee, seven years ago?

I did the low carb thing and got done to 200 for a fifty pound loss. Was so grossed out my all the loose skin I gained it all back. Now while I know I'm gonna sag like Dumbo's Mother, it seems the slower the better as far as the folds go.

ANYway. The deal with FS and Nearly Dead is juice fasting. I figure WTF not as I can't move, really, or bear weight or do any meaningful activity. Then I realize I need food. Plus I hate the waste of a juicer.

So I decide to do a cross between Joe's plan and Dr. Furman. He's this Eat to Live dude and it's all about veggies and fruits, for the most part. It's worth looking up.

But I'm not giving up coffee, I mean I have ONE cup in the morning.

SO that started Friday. Yesterday I felt craptastical. Today I feel better and have this weird thing, I think it's called energy. I am still using my vegan protein powder, it's plant based so it's ok by me. I'm going to do this for fifteen days.

*Protein stuff I didn't know*

I don't know why they say fifteen but because it's an odd number I am totally down with that.

Then we'll see what happens. I will say I haven't thrown up since Friday. That sounds like a weird comment but understand that I throw up or at least get nauseous enough to gag every day, for the last twelve years.

No lie. No one can figure out why. Diet has no effect, except this nothing but veggies and fruits thing. So I am hoping it's a food allergy because then I can get rid of it. But mostly I am not tired. No pushing though, no nap for three days. I'm not tired and I sleep well.

And yea, I am making sure I get enough carbs, proteins and whatnot. But if this is what I can feel like, after fifteen days I think I'll add some nuts and whole grains (unless I turn out to be allergic to those) and stick with it.

I discovered sunflower seed butter. OMGosh, this stuff is awesome and has tons of magnesium. Like 25 percent in two tablespoons. 7 grams of protein.

So anyway, I'm sure it sounded like I was going to give up there several paragraphs ago. But I'm just trying something new. See, I think my mistake was starting this as if I had a healthy, functioning body I was trying to improve.

Fact is, I have an unhealthy, dysfunctional body. I don't have a good foundation to build on. While I would have preferred to not be injured, like really not preferred, at least it made me look at things more realistically.

I don't want to be a fat runner. I don't want to be the fat girl who doesn't look as fat as she is. I know I don't look 235, but I look what, 200? I don't want to settle for 200. I want to wear a large, FFS.

Running may turn out to be something I cannot physically do and that will make me very sad. That's like, my Big Goal. I have clothes and subscriptions to magazines and stuff. I LIKE running.

But I've gotten as far as I can with this body and I need a better one. It would be nice to just grab one of the shelves, but all I can do is strip (figuratively, no worries) it down and start over.

Oh and I've lost five pounds since Friday. I know it's water weight, blah, blah, but it's five pounds off my knees. Interesting thing about Dr. Furman's plan is people who do it maintain a weight loss. I was just happy to see the damn numbers go down, I wouldn't have cared if it was an arm that fell off at that point.

P.S.  Ordered this wheatgrass powder. This should be interesting, the last time I had wheatgrass I was seventeen and some guy who looked like Emo Phillips made it for me. This was the same guy who 'wrote me a song' that he proceeded to sing and play on his guitar.

Given that I was a hardcore punk living on the streets of Hollywood, this was so surreal I'm surprised I didn't have some kind of psychotic break. ANYway, I immedialty threw up. He assured me that my body was 'detoxing' and that I should drink more.

I explained to him that the amount of drugs, alcohol and nicotine in my system had actually thrown the wheatgrass out. Like expelling a heretic from a church. In other words, the Dark Side Won. The conversation that followed made it clear that having a place to crash just wasn't worth the singing, detoxing and metaphysical hoo-haw.

I cleared out when he went to the kitchen to make more.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I just love me some Lorretta

So I have a couple things coming up. and on the 25 of this month I start Running 101 which shold be a challenge because it's WAY more socializing then I care to do.


Today is my rest day and I'm feeling very blech. Surrounded by piles of housework, literally, I wouldn't let you in the door that's how literal.

But all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep.

I ended up going on Glucosomine which means I am officially aged.

I did get some Frellers made as the show is Saturday (please, Sales God, show me your grace.) and have ideas but it's funny, somehow the having ideas part doesn't produce the product.

Anyway, so that's my nut shell. Not terribly exciting, I could do better and wax prosaic but I'm going to go lay on the couch. I figure I can get in three minutes before someone needs something they could just as well get/find/make themselves.

No wonder long distance running is looking better and better.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I saw this at the gym and was like, I was like, I was well, it's a stupid commercial. "Oh, my vagina itches and now I am wearing an oversized hoody and looking sad! How will I ever shop for clothing?!"

How sad...

I have no ass muscle. This is why I can't do a proper squat. Because it all comes from my thighs. Go figure.  

Ashley pointed out that when I get up my knees go inward to compensate. So it's near impossible for me to do a squat with anything close to resembling a straight back.

This is one of the biggest perks of having someone knowledgable watch you move around and do stuff. I'm finding I have great areas of overdeveloped and underdeveloped muscle and years spent compensating. Great traps, no deltoids. Great quads, no glutes. Really tight hip muscles, ow.

Since my priority is to avoid injury the goal now is to balance me out so I have decent form and my muscles can work as a team instead of one group dragging the other around. 

Who knew how you get out of a chair could be such a big part of that? 

Also, any muscle that sounds like a dinosaur is going to hurt. That is my scientific observation. Periformis, anything ending in aus/as/is or starting with Recti. The Periformis is the one that gets worked out by someone stabbing you with their finger and holding it there for what seems like eternity.

Oh, and it's turns out there is this thing  tensor fasciae latae  sounds cool right? Like a frozen coffee 
drink. Nope, it's this really important part of you that hurts like hell when you find it. 

"Although the pain may be felt mainly in the knee, the problem is actually caused by the muscles that support the knee. Namely the tensor fasciae latae and the large muscle at the rear of your upper leg, called the gluteus maxims."

I didn't even know there was stuff there. 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Seems like a lot longer.

Ok, here I am in April, and here I am now. Same clothes. Shorter hair again, but I look old and tired so you don't get the headshot,lol.

It's been three months. I really wanted to get under 230 for my birthday, but oh well. I am up to five minute intervals at 4.2 whatever. And yeah, I know the scale, blah, blah, but I'd really like to see those numbers go down.

Today is a rest day as I'm wrecked after training and then boxing last night. Hitting things is really fun.

I'm thinking eventually seeing pictures of myself won't be s mortifying I'll use a camera but for now it's really more of a 'Lets get this over with.' I guess when you get quality shots is when I start to feel less loathsome. Funny how you 'look' so much better then you photograph. Well, not funny, really.