Thursday, June 24, 2010

Oh, I like her music, some anyway. It's the overwrought videos that do me in.
I'm afraid she's headed for Winehouse Land if someone doesn't whack her with some perspective. Maybe Madonna has a mentor program. And some pants. She needs pants.

is it just me?

Is anyone else struck by the fact that the copious amount of dry humping Lady Gaga does is to well, guys that ain't gonna be interested? In other words, Ga, if you Gay It Up to the extreme it looks a little silly.

It stops being sexy and goes straight to bad camp. You lost me at bowl haircut. Can you imagine that conversation?

Agent "The good news is Gaga wants you, she thinks you'd be hot in Allejandro. The bad news is you gotta get this Three Stooges haircut."

Agent "Ok, you got the part in Teeth, but you can't start laughing when the dude does that weird hoe down thing with the crop, k?"

There's enough faux Gay Swag to make one wonder if the person directing the film has any real exposure to real gay people. I mean, who knew gay men hung out in leather swag with fishnets on?

Allejandro is a 'homage to gay love and how brave it is' (paraphrasing) but WTH is deciding the bizarre swag is making the character 'gay'? And Ga, really? I don't think (if that's Allejandro) you gotta break up with him. I'm thinking maybe Gaga simply has her own version of gay men, who all dress like that and wanna do her.

It's like Gaga is backed my the S&M version of The Village People. FFS.

And while we are homaging, perhaps someone could point out to Ms. Ga that lesbians are gay people too. And while I shudder to think how they'd be portrayed, at least her chances of being considered desirable by her homaged in video co-stars might increase.

Tick tick..

Ok, got home from gym, slugged down the Alive elixir so we'll see. Although in fairness I can't really think it would make a change in two days. If it hasn't then I'll pass out in about 90 minutes.

I've started driving to the school early so I can crash in my car rather then trying to stay awake and drive,lol.

Expecting both he vid and the kettlebell stuff today. Should be interesting. I hope it's interesting. Exercise freakin bores me to tears. Seriously, I've knitted while using the bicycling thingy at the gym.

I hate that machine so no I try and listen to a book and watch tv while on the Elliptical or whatever. Problem with that is I always seem to end up under the machine with Today on it and it takes about five minutes before I want to knock Kathy Lee and whatever her name is head's together.

They are usually right next to Rachel Ray. Who had super fat ladies on complaining about no 'Fat Fashion'. Yeah, all I could think of was me fifteen years, ten years, five years ago thinking the same way. Give those really fat ladies a few years and when the body starts to complain finding clothes isn't gonna look like quite the injustice it seems.

As if not making clothes over a size 18/20 to 22/24 is a Hate Crime. Priorities ladies, trust me. The turning point for me, besides my health? When I realised I'd never seen a really old really fat lady advocating for fat acceptance. In fact, while I see lots of old ladies all the time, I never see a really old really fat lady.

And the older ones I've seen, have all been in scooters. You can accept all you want to , but we were all pretty much born with the same skeletal structure. As far as the myth of Fat and Fit when you look at skeletons of obese folks, the bones show signs of strain and sometimes even fracture.

And if you are reading this and any of it rings a bell, please, take care of yourself before you hit forty, cause at 45 this shit is hard, yo (as my friend knotworkshop says). Looking back I realise my whole fat acceptance insistence was really defensiveness. It's not normal, it's not healthy and frankly, while I think everyone is entitled to be how ever heavy they choose to be, gone are the days when I think it's just oky doky anymore then I can be convinced being a smoker is.

It simply defies logic.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

So this is next Alive Multi Vitamin Liquid had the husband pick some up.

Was looking for the shake, but eh, the shop doesn't have it and the shipping took two weeks just to start. I'm not really one for vitamins, but I'm getting a little desperate. The pills, you take three a day. I can chuck pills back like a champ but three a day? Plus there's that whole do they digest thing.

So I'll let you know. The price is pretty good $22 at Vitamin Shoppe (I hate that extra E crap). Since we don't have insurance just going ot he doc and getting a work up isn't feasible. Niether is sleeping all afternoon. It pisses me off and it's really hard to get out of bed once nap time is over.

I will say the Apple Cider vinegar is great for allergies. I've been off Claritin since I started taking it and while I have angry and not sensitive skin, I haven't had any break outs. Go figure. I started keeping the bottle on the sink back in the kitchen.

That way I can remember to dose and ew, I recommend skipping the sweetener. I know that's the common way but yuck.

My hope (kinda gave up on 'plan' for the interim) is to start making stuff Monday. There's a November show I might get invited to for soap and well, I need soap. Not simply the promise of.

Got a subscription for Farro though Amazon, that stuff is crazy pricey if you can find it at any of our local shops.

I'm TRYING to consider this month a month of transition. You know, like any day now I'll come out of this brain fog and lose a damn pound.

p.s. It tastes like those 'green' drinks or Green Machine or similar. I don't know what those "tastes awful" folks were whining about. I had mine straight but it would be pretty unnoticeable in a smoothie.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


So I continue to lose and gain the same five pounds, pretty much. Yeah muscle weighs more, blah, blah, beleive me, I'm am authority on all that shit. But that aside, I'm having this bizarre chocolate covered donut freak out.

Bizarre because I don't eat chocolate covered donuts. Not since geeze, I was like what 19? And then a steady diet of substances was supplemented by chocolate milk, Hostess chocolate covered donuts and smokes.

But I'm like, in Safeway and this overwhelming I'm going to freak out of I don't eat some right NOW and like a BAG full happens. And no, I didn't get any but they haunt me still...

I mean, it's not even good junk food fcol, maybe have a wax deficiency or something. Cause if I recall, that's pretty much what they are coated with.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


So if you don't hear from me for more then a few days it's because I've hurled the damn thing through the TV or it landed on my head or something.

I got this one because it has beginner to whatever levels. I can only assume this video is not representative of the beginner level.

Oh and yes, my gym has classes. But the classes have people in them.

Also trying Apple Cider Vinegar I took it ages ago and while I can't attest to weight loss, it did seem to help with the daily retching. So hopefully it will again. At some point the puking gets really old. Like, about two years ago.

I'll keep you posted, maybe try all this for a month and then report back. As it stands, it's been about a month and I'm just now not wanting to pass out every afternoon because of this exercise that's supposed to give me more energy.

I'm not sure who these more energized folks are, but I ain't seeing it.

Not made a thing in three weeks now, online business? What online business?


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Hey, uh...

Just wanted to give a 'I'm alive.' notice. Lots of stuff to tell, lots not to as well. Going to try something called kettlebell and some chakra clearing Kundalini yoga. For those who are going 'huh?' Kundalini is yoga that is not boring. I know it looks weird, but it kicks your cosmically enlightmented ass.

Oh and it's all spiritual and stuff, but mostly, it isn't boring. Plus the people who practice it look crazy happy. I could use some happy, less crazy, or at least not you know, more crazy. Still doing Hatha yoga once a week but yeah, standing still and breathing makes me kinda antsy. Kundalini is breathing and moving and all kinds of stuff happening at once. So I don't end up mentally writing my grocery list or something.

So I'm trying this Maya Fiennes covers chakras as well. What the hell, ya know? Next Saturday I'll be 44 and frankly, I don't care to keep going on like this and now that I'm determined to keep going and worried about not being able to, I'll give it a go.

Hey, did you know you can get these cool things called 'Playaways' at the library? They are little MP3 players with the book loaded. I have something plugged in most times, another playing in the car, another on the iTouch at the gym.

Car = The Turn of the Screw
Gym= The Black Dahlia
House= Insomnia

Uh, my state of mind isn't necessary represented by those choices...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Yeah, whatever.

"I do apologize for any ill informed or harsh decisions and actions made by our Support team. I can only ask for the understanding that we can make mistakes. We are human beings working at a high capacity. If you find that any actions made by our Support team have been made erroneously or without all the information, we encourage you to contact us privately and to explain what has happened. When we are in the wrong, we can and will reverse our decisions. "

This was Are You There God, It's me, Margaret's apology for shutting down shops who deigned to take umbrage (well deserved) at the Tiny Tim workplace extravaganza.

Just human beings? Really? And here I thought the Etsy staff was a Super Human Alien Race. Of course, they'd be the worst Super Humans EVER.

It always cracks me up when assholes use the 'just a human being' card. BP 'just people'. Guess what? People can SUCK and be gigantic ASSHOLES.

LOTS of human beings are NOT assholes. It doesn't go hand in hand. Honest.

"Working at a high capacity" really? Again, lots of people work without sucking. In fact, to consider anything at Etsy 'working at a high capacity' is ludicrous. Yes, it was the stress, really.

Thank God these people aren't cops or firefighters.

And speaking from personal expierence, going to Support will make you want to eat your own face.

Monday, June 7, 2010


Is a dish best served cold.

Monday's Fable

The Ass in the Lion's Skin

An Ass, having put on the Lion's skin, roamed about in the forest
and amused himself by frightening all the foolish animals he met
in his wanderings.

At last coming upon a Fox, he tried to
frighten him also, but the Fox no sooner heard the sound of his
voice than he exclaimed, "I might possibly have been frightened
myself, if I had not heard your bray."

Clothes may disguise a fool, but his words will give him away.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Things I've done thus far.

I just love an opportunity to say thus. Anyhow, thus far I have gone to the gym six out of seven days for two weeks. Just cardio at this point. It has helped tremendously with the depression which is a huge relief as I really don't want to start med fiddling again, I'd like to stay on the minimum.

I've lost *sigh* 1.5 pounds,lol.

I did a lot of baking over this weekend. Once you wean yourself off sugary stuff (thanks Andrew) it's startling how little sweet one needs to taste sweet. I've used applesauce instead of butter and banana instead of sugar in three muffin recipes so far and you know what, they taste good.

You know, taste does change. I made sausage and scrambled eggs and made it through three bites before I had to give it to the dogs. So I made a fritatta with egg, all kind of veggies and scarfed it. The secret is to sprinkle Panko breadcrumbs on top and broil until it browned.

I'm sure most of it is Andrew, but whatever works. I just don't want sugary stuff. Bready stuff or even a lot of cooked foods.

The boy is grudgingly getting used to it. My husband is thrilled.

Of course I have baggied everything into single slices for portion control and gone mad bagging servings of fruits and berries and veggies. Summer is fantastic for berries, wow. Greek yogurt is a Godsend.

I'm still tired but less so. Of course everything is a mess as crashing in the afternoon does take up ones time.

I downloaded some flylady type app for the house. I can't stand the original, she makes me want to wallow in sloth for some reason, but this app is a bit more, well, less OCOA/OCD like.

That starts Monday. That will be the biggest challenge as I tend to wander about the house feeling overwhelmed and accomplishing very little.

I also closed my Twitter account. I had this lightbulb moment when I had to Google to find out what IRL meant. Though maybe I should spend more time IN it. The BIG change? PC goes OFF at 4PM. And no PC on the weekends. Obviously this starts Monday,lol.

I still haven't relisted anything on Etsy and that feels pretty good. Things will expire in a few weeks and I'll be done. I want to focus on the site no more pimps for me, thanks.

So as much as I hate being optimistic, it's not a bad start. Bagging food on the weekends makes it super convenient, even more so then opening a box of cereal, or ok, as convenient. I tend to eat for fuel, so whatever is easiest is what gets eaten.

Oh and water, did you know you can drink the stuff?

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Yoga for Weight Loss

Yoga for Weight Loss

This one is good. Trust me. I've been through so many that are like 'Now bring your chest to your knees and I'm like "It's already THERE, bitch." Or "Hold downward dog for four minutes while inhaling deeply." uh, yeah, ok. No.

This is Yoga for round people. Later I'll show you this nifty Kundalini DVD but I have to get near Kundalini ready. Plus Suzanne doesn't make you want to hurl the damn mat at her head. Always a plus.

I'll also have a almond meal blueberry muffin recipe that has no butter or oil or sugar (or very little) and still makes you want to eat too many of them.

Makes as much sense.

A good friend came up with this. I call Sawyer.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


You know how below I mention trying to suss a few things out? Well, it finally dawned on me that stopping all my unhealthy self destructive behaviors was great and all, but there was no follow up.

What I mean is, when you do nothing to actively care for yourself it's really passive self abuse. I know...big freakin light bulb there. So you know, yay for me for stopping everything when I became a Mom.

But that was ten years ago.

On some level I've continued to abuse myself, just not actively. Just not actively. And I mean that in the literal sense not the oft abused literally. It never occurred to me to replace behaviors. Just to stop.

Instead of treating myself poorly I guess I just kinda ignored me cause i didn't know what else to do and that was enough, hard enough, for a good while.

That was stupid.

So I'm telling you this, gentle reader, in case you chance to find yourself in the same proverbial boat. A really, really big boat.

It's good to stop doing harmful things. But that isn't where it ends. Self neglect is just as dysfunctional, just as harmful, just not as obvious as all the behaviors that proceeded it. Wasn't to me, anyway.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

We all get older, if we are lucky anyway.

So part of this whole 'don't be so sick your husband has to take care of you' thing has been getting to the gym. Eating well, blahs, blah. And it's exhausting. Where is the damned lying liar pants that told me I'd 'have more energy'?

Probably taking a nap somewhere.

Plus the husband got a job, thank God, short term but pays rent, and has to get up at (wait for it) five a.m. This means me. Because I don't trust him to get up with an alarm. Not a morning person. Not even a mid morning person.

So this all started about a week ago. Funny how you just can't cram more stuff in a finite day. I haven't made a damn thing in over a week which is kind of refreshing but I'm waiting for the energy Mr. Pinocchio Face promised me because our show is in less then two weeks.

Plus the site, etc.

I'm even spending quality time with Andrew Johnson, everyday now. I'm sure that subconsciously I am a very Positive Person. In addition to not wanting to eat Fattening Foods.

But I haven't quite figured out how the hell I'm supposed to cram all this in or well, how to get the energy to do so without downing a Monster. I am so very ready for Summer as the school thing will be one big less thing to do. I am a firm beleiver in letting one's child sleep til noon and play video games for five hours at least for the first week or so.

This is mostly for my benefit.

So I'm at the gym and I'm slogging along 'getting healthy'. I start to think how odd it is that I'll be 44 this month (how that happened I can't say) and here I am listening to Agent Orange and The Adolescents , Christian Death and some Adam Ant (it was old school meets really HOT guy mix) all fat and tired and married and stuff.

Then it occurred to me that with the exception of Henry Rollins who has some weird Dorian Gray thing going on (and is the only person I've seen give Christopher Walken the willies) that we are ALL older now.

Well, those of us still alive anyhow. I guess mindset has very little to do with youth. Although there are more pressing things to be angry about now and well, lets just say the lifestyle changed. Hence the still alive part.

I still think of like, Social Distortion of being like they were when I was fifteen and then you see a vid and go "Wow, dude.."

Ok, except Billy Idol who has aged in what I can only imagine is part of a pact with Satan but it's Billy, so it's ok, all is forgiven. I mean, have you SEEN the guy?

I got really fat. While not shocking it's embarrassing. It's something I feel I have to explain before anyone who knew me sees me. As if they would miss it, right? As if somehow I don't know really, I haven't quite puzzled that out, but it's not a positive.

AND now I'm almost 44. WTF? I don't wanna start over... Can't I just go back in the Way Back Machine and leave a 'Do not get fat' sticky on my leather corset or something? You know, something that will give me a heads up.

Dear Holly,

You will live a lot longer then you are trying to. Despite your best efforts. Please, consider this before you get really fat. And then don't. Because then dying, by then, is something you really want to avoid.



Let's just say the whole Future Concept is not a familiar one. I didn't think or care, really, that I'd get older and now it just pisses me off.

Anyway, I'll be really annoyed if I post this rambling missive and then keel over. God forbid, please. We've had to start over financially, I guess this is part of that package. It's a really shitty package and I'd like to exchange it for a better one. But you know, the literal and the literary don't often mesh.

Thats all really, just mulling it all over. Thankful to be here, but wish I'd prepared for the journey.

(ps. Andrew Johnson is not code for anything involving a penis. Although I do assume he has one. Not that I dwell on it. Andrew (read below post) is a hypnotherapist/Reiki Master. I'm doing his self hypnosis program. Cheeky monkey.)