You know how below I mention trying to suss a few things out? Well, it finally dawned on me that stopping all my unhealthy self destructive behaviors was great and all, but there was no follow up.
What I mean is, when you do nothing to actively care for yourself it's really passive self abuse. I know...big freakin light bulb there. So you know, yay for me for stopping everything when I became a Mom.
But that was ten years ago.
On some level I've continued to abuse myself, just not actively. Just not actively. And I mean that in the literal sense not the oft abused literally. It never occurred to me to replace behaviors. Just to stop.
Instead of treating myself poorly I guess I just kinda ignored me cause i didn't know what else to do and that was enough, hard enough, for a good while.
That was stupid.
So I'm telling you this, gentle reader, in case you chance to find yourself in the same proverbial boat. A really, really big boat.
It's good to stop doing harmful things. But that isn't where it ends. Self neglect is just as dysfunctional, just as harmful, just not as obvious as all the behaviors that proceeded it. Wasn't to me, anyway.