SO MUCH, SO LITTLE (wtf caps lock?)

Yep, I really listen to Eminem. 'Til I Collapse' and 'Lose Yourself' are everyday run songs. And 'Slim Shady' is just a riot. This vid is the clean version cause it's the only version I could find...

I keep coming here meaning to write something, but there's so much little stuff scrambling my brain it's hard to suss out just what writes down.

My biggest dilemma (or really a delimma I can control, I have bigger frying fish right now) is whether or not to run my first 5K this Saturday. In a week. This would have been a non dilemma if I hadn't gotten a wonky knee and had to take two months off.

But, whatever, right? So I have just started a week ago. What bemuses me is that I haven't really wanted to blog about it thinking my knees would explode in a grisly display of public mockery. Its pretty amazing how terrifying knees can be, those bitches OWN you.

Anyway..i can run up to eight minutes at a time, walk fast a few and then eight again as of today. My left knee was all 'I'm just fucking with ya!' the last interval. It's hard to gauge the difference between caution and an excuse to quit.

I've done al my PT, worked hard of getting ass muscle and all the things I was supposed to do to bolster these two Arch Villians with their little knotty ligaments on the Self Destruct Button at all times. Dropping the weight would help, duh, but I have been training so hardcore it isn't happening.

Huh?

No really, serious weight training so the weight loss has gone from a screeching halt to just a halt. This isn't a bad thing, but it's not making me lighter. That comes later. Or so I keep repeating to myself.

Thing is I can walk 5K, I mean, come ON, right? But hear me out, I hate crowds. I'm not sure I will enjoy the process at all. SO why would I want to walk with a bunch of people? I'm only running the 5K because I never have and it seemed like the next thing to do.

There is also the small issue of never having run outside. SO I know my pitiful treadmill performance will be reduced to, well, more pitiful. I was going to take Baxter, my oldest male dog, but now I'm thinking if this is my first and I'm already conflicted (did I mention there are hills) because I don't feel ready, this isn't the time or place to add a 90 pound dog that WILL make me go harder.

Harder is fine, but this is not a good harder scenario.

This is what happens when you have people and animals who depend on you and no health insurance to boot. If I didn't and did I'd totally go for it. I'd also still be dog scootering, but hey. Walking is the safer option but it's W A L K I N G I have finessed walking.

So that along with with diet tinkering (happy medium between not falling over and not being a Fat Runner) I'm sort of at sea.