Saucony Cortana

You know I love my Kinvaras. Love. Them. But running on pavement was a jarring experience. As in bone owie, WTF? jarring. Maybe 20 or 30 pounds down the line but for now, not an option.

This was a problem since my training classes and my 5K are held outside. In my perfect world it would all be held on a treadmill. With a fan. 

I couldn't go back to my Fat Runner shoes, Saucony Pro Grid Triumph or Hurricane, can't recall, because of the heel lift. The last thing I needed is to go back to a high heel. So I started researching. 

The Cortanas (wonder if the designer is a game geek as it's the name of the A.I. in Halo) got rave reviews and are essentially a trainer with a dropped heel and less shoe. But a hefty tag at $145. Hefty when you don't have any money. If I had dispensable lucre I'd think that was quite reasonable but that is pretty much my cut off point.

Halo Cortana

I ended up taking advantage of Road Runner Sports exchange policy. Quite generous, you get two months and no questions asked. I wasn't please (I may have cried a little) to say goodbye to my Kinveras but well, you know, I need to be able to run outside. 

I'll let you know how they perform Saturday but so far I am in LOVE with them. I could have done without the pink, but thats all they had in stock and I needed them now. At least the combo is sorta New Wave looking. 

Loving the upper, the honeycomb silver grey is very Space Oddessy. They aren't as minimal as I'm used to but most importunely they allow my foot to flex. The only difference between them and the K's as far as I can tell, is the extra cushion and the feel of more shoe, but not trainer shoe weight or bulk. 

I wear a 10 in running shoes but had to go up to an 11 in the Saucony K's and Cortana. Fantastic toe box, to me there is more give in the Cortana then the Kinvara. The sole of the Cortana also feels wider and more stable. Not something I'd prefer, but not a deal breaker.

There's all kinds of other features but nothing I am qualified to speak on. But I'll let you know if they help a fat girl run on pavement.

I know it's not Christmas, but...

So I'm going to do it.

The 5K. Even if I can't run all of it. At least I'll know if it's something I want to do again, right? After all my biggest concern was really how well I would do with the crowds and so many people, well, so close.

I am going to leave the dogs at home though. Any of them would pick up on any anxiety and that wouldn't go so well. I'd only take Baxter, but still.

My husband will pick up my packet Friday and drop me off Saturday morning so I don't have to deal with parking. It's close enough to walk except its a mile of huge hill there and back. No thanks.

SO MUCH, SO LITTLE (wtf caps lock?)

Yep, I really listen to Eminem. 'Til I Collapse' and 'Lose Yourself' are everyday run songs. And 'Slim Shady' is just a riot. This vid is the clean version cause it's the only version I could find...

I keep coming here meaning to write something, but there's so much little stuff scrambling my brain it's hard to suss out just what writes down.

My biggest dilemma (or really a delimma I can control, I have bigger frying fish right now) is whether or not to run my first 5K this Saturday. In a week. This would have been a non dilemma if I hadn't gotten a wonky knee and had to take two months off.

But, whatever, right? So I have just started a week ago. What bemuses me is that I haven't really wanted to blog about it thinking my knees would explode in a grisly display of public mockery. Its pretty amazing how terrifying knees can be, those bitches OWN you.

Anyway..i can run up to eight minutes at a time, walk fast a few and then eight again as of today. My left knee was all 'I'm just fucking with ya!' the last interval. It's hard to gauge the difference between caution and an excuse to quit.

I've done al my PT, worked hard of getting ass muscle and all the things I was supposed to do to bolster these two Arch Villians with their little knotty ligaments on the Self Destruct Button at all times. Dropping the weight would help, duh, but I have been training so hardcore it isn't happening.

Huh?

No really, serious weight training so the weight loss has gone from a screeching halt to just a halt. This isn't a bad thing, but it's not making me lighter. That comes later. Or so I keep repeating to myself.

Thing is I can walk 5K, I mean, come ON, right? But hear me out, I hate crowds. I'm not sure I will enjoy the process at all. SO why would I want to walk with a bunch of people? I'm only running the 5K because I never have and it seemed like the next thing to do.

There is also the small issue of never having run outside. SO I know my pitiful treadmill performance will be reduced to, well, more pitiful. I was going to take Baxter, my oldest male dog, but now I'm thinking if this is my first and I'm already conflicted (did I mention there are hills) because I don't feel ready, this isn't the time or place to add a 90 pound dog that WILL make me go harder.

Harder is fine, but this is not a good harder scenario.

This is what happens when you have people and animals who depend on you and no health insurance to boot. If I didn't and did I'd totally go for it. I'd also still be dog scootering, but hey. Walking is the safer option but it's W A L K I N G I have finessed walking.

So that along with with diet tinkering (happy medium between not falling over and not being a Fat Runner) I'm sort of at sea.

Dies Laughing

For those of you who somehow escaped it, this is a parody of Rebecca Blacks 'song' Friday. I have not yet been able to make it through the video due to overwhelming secondhand embarrassment.

The Hard Way

The Myth Of Balance

I often come across people who declare they are 'seeking balance'. This phrase does not make me want to poke my eyes out like 'weight loss journey ' does but I instead I sort of shrug and think "Good luck with that."

As if we are delicate beings swaying in the wind, threatened with toppling at any given moment should we lean one way or another. Trust me, we are way more like Weebles. Most of us wobble, but we don't fall down. Not permanently anyway.

I'm convinced the Quest For Balance is really I Feel Guilty all nobled up. Guilty you spent way too much time running and now your kids are all pouty. Guilty you spent to much time online and now the housework or whatever isn't done.

That isn't imbalance, that's selfishness and lack of self control when it's so extreme is hurts others. But if we call it 'seeking balance' it sounds like something we never had control of, right? I mean, we would never be selfish or self centered, we are just off balance.

Sure.

Lets face it, there are things I'd like to do more then others. That's what makes me human and likable and not Joan of Arc* who frankly, was nuts and kind of a pill. I never got the adoration over someone who was manipulated because she thought it was Gods work to go kill people. That ended well.

Being delusional and violent isn't noble and doing something you want to more then something you don't isn't being off balance.

If you are Off Balance because you are overextended and never do anything for yourself and run around doing for others 24/7 then this will be harder for you. Because you need to figure out what you are distracting yourself from and why you aren't worth a little self interest. It's still self serving behavior, but it's not something a blog post can fix.

Bear with me and lets look at the possibility of having a Balanced Life. It isn't. Unless you are a robot and if that's the case then I have tons of stuff I need help with.

What is possible is taking stock on a daily basis and determining who you are serving. If it's all you all the time, chances are you are an asshole. If it's you and others and a little more you because you really like something and so you feel guilty because something doesn't get done, you are human.

Just like me. Yay!

When I started getting healthy a LOT fell by the wayside, like making things, for example. Marketing my site, etc. So I tried to Big Picture it because being fat, sick and tired didn't help me address those things. I'm doing something that while in the short term, makes me neglectful, in the long term benefits.

I'd like to see us let go of the Myth of Balance. We are people, not Justice Scales. We are, for the most part, active participants. Most of all, as humans, we are self serving. This isn't bad or good, this just is. Give that up and you become Perpetual Martyr and no one wants t be around you, trust me.

Rather then Balance, just pay attention to what you are doing and how it affects others. It's really that simple.

*There is this phrase credited to her "I am not afraid, I was born to do this." (ironically the crucial contextual mention of God is omitted) that is supposed to be inspirational. Every time I read that I wonder how versed people are in regard to Joan and what she was responsible for. She's no Heroine.

I'm convinced that if she were a man she'd be classified as a religious fanatic who used religion to justify war. Which is exactly what she was. She was not a feminist and in fact refused to allow women to serve in the military. She was a teenager, was killed when she was 19.

In a few short years she lead thousands to their death, as either invaders or defenders, in the name of God and France. Not unlike some of our modern day True Believers. While True Believers are great motivational speakers, I have yet to find one worthy of a 'motivational quote'.