Goat Mountain Arts

I Am A Super Hero

2012-01-03T15:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe not and I'm sort I've been gone so long (more about that later) but dude, I just flipped a monster truck tire weighing 280 pounds 24 times.

Flip four or five times, beat it with a sledgehammer for a few minutes, flip it again.

I. Feel. Awesome.

Victory!

2011-11-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

I ran a mile which was easy peasy and I even started at 4.5 MPR which is something I usually have to work up to,lol.

Envision race morning...

Me: Wow, my shoes hurt. This isn't good. Come to think of it they hurt whenever I just stand in them and have so for a couple weeks.

Race starts, oh well.

It was the orthotics. They were great 35 pounds ago. Now not only do I not need them, they were putting my arches a a position they really didn't want to be in and as a result I was whacking the hell out of my metatarsal head.

Now that I'm lighter and run more, my feet have changed. Why it took me so long to clue in on this I'll never know. So I replaced them with the insoles they came with and all has been well. Plus I use that spiky ball thing.

Outside running is still off for now though. Which bites because I have that 8K December. Of course I have no business running an 8K after being out for two weeks and only running three miles, ever. Andrew also reminded me that while it's great I ran a mile, it doesn't mean I should try and run two tomorrow.

Annoying common sense.

Now I need to start a new sports bra fund. I put it on the other day and was like, WTH are those gaps on each side? Who knew underarm fat was such a bra filler?

Wish Me Luck

2011-11-28T05:03:00.001-08:00

I'm going to try and run/walk a mile on the treadmill today. Just walking would be good too. Not you know, great, but ok.

dies laughing

2011-11-27T16:24:00.001-08:00

Apologies in Advance

2011-11-26T11:37:00.000-08:00

Tis the Season for Insipid...

I could SO use some Muppets.

2011-11-21T13:50:00.001-08:00

In fact, I am going to go watch Muppet Treasure Island right now.

About that running outside thing.

2011-11-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

I know have a rip roaring case of metatarsalgia in my left foot. It hurts like a bastard. All the time. I recall a couple days after the race going "Ow, what the hell?' but then felt fine AND let's remember I've been sick and haven't run since then. But I have been dog walking and where does that happen? Outside, on pavement.

I have the podiatry equivalent of The Princess and the Pea in my left foot. That's where my dorsal flexion got all wonky and sidelined me. The left hamstring, the left soles. I need a new left side, preferably bionic.

I am going back to the gym Monday and I am determined to run again *shakes fist in air* but I won't be running outside until next year, at least. This is just getting stupid. I'm off to see if I can get some kind of pad so at least when I'm not walking my food with STFU.

2011-11-16T12:13:00.001-08:00

I owe you guys pics. Sorry the quality is crap, I'm doing this all from my phone.

Notice the actual 'shirt hang' in the second one, lol. I wanted to point that out because that's the same shirt albeit in a different color. And down there on the bottom we have May. I'm at 217 and have been for a couple of weeks since I've been sick and haven't exercised at ALL since my race Nov. 6.

So I'm hopeful once I get back to it (tomorrow) I'll start to drop again. 33 pounds doesn't seem like a lot and I still have a ways to go, but I sure feel better and moving is much easier.

Happy Dog

2011-11-15T14:07:00.000-08:00

This is a side of Kinley you rarely get to see. I love that Rottie grin.

Race results

2011-11-09T12:58:00.001-08:00

266   Holly McConnell        00:45:09

yeah, it's a minute less but I am SO taking it.

How did I miss these?

2011-11-08T11:27:00.001-08:00

Ice cold, blue cheese stuffed olives. Wow.

Goat

In which I Fall Off The Wagon and Land On My Fat Ass

2011-11-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

*sigh*

I was doing so well, you know?

Then I got sick and then I got busy and then I was sick and busy and now I'm busy and feel like shit but I'm not sick. Lots of processed foods. Cheeseburger on the way to a client's house. The it's like WTF? why not eat this bowl of Cheerios?

Ok, so it's not ice cream and it's not cake. It's not Lucky Charms or Frosted Flakes. But it isn't very good food because it's the wrong food for me. I've started throwing up again, I'm tired and I gained two pounds.

We don't have the money to support the veggie heavy lifestyle of a few months ago, but I can do a low end juice fast for three days to get back on track. So starting tomorrow that's what I am going to do. Plus whatever cheap fruit I can find.

I felt better, I felt happier. Sure things suck so hard right now it's unbelievable, but I could FEEL better, right? It's not a matter of calories as I'm confident I've been eating too little if anything, it's the crap. Like today I ate an Egg McMuffin, no meat, isn't that bad really and it's under 300 calories.

But then I got busy and forgot to eat until 3:00 and was starving so ended up eating a bunch of bready Mexican Bakery stuff and some pizza. Made myself drink a bunch of water and that's my intake for the day. Oh, and a bowl of cheerios.

Not really a nice way to treat a body is it? The I start craving crap like Mac and Cheese in a box?! WHat happened to Clean Eating? Oh, the stuff I have to MAKE, right...

SO, yeah, it won't be a pretty next couple of days, but at least I won't feel like such a loser.

*sigh*

The Cure is Now 5K

2011-11-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

So once again i found myself woefully unprepared for a race. Having been sick the week before and managing 2 miles the week of. But what the hell, right?

The Good

It was 37 degrees out. Thats better then hot.
The course was really supported by volunteers.
Gabriel and I ran a bit together and he is all into our Turkey Trot now.
I finally got a damn racing bib.

The Not Great

It was 37 degrees out.
There was no mat to run over so your time wasn't as exact.
It was HILLY. As in there's a hill, there's a slight upward grade, there's a hill, oh downhill yay! Oh, another hill. This was unexpected and nothing I'd ever done before.
Apparently I still have asthma. But I was lucky to find an inhaler that had only expired six months ago.
Now I know why runners wear sunglasses.
You know that sinuses full of chlorine feeling? You can get that running, who knew?

It was a hard race for me. I had really no energy from the onset. It was weird, I wasn't in pain or what I'd consider tired, rather I was fatigued. Like my body just didn't want to move. Given my illness and craptastic diet (under remedy as we speak) this was not shocking, but it still sucked.

I had to walk the hills. My knees did better then I expected and hours later they are sore but not anywhere near how they felt the last race. ABout 1.5 miles in I realized I was never going to make a PR. Or maybe I could have but I would have been dying the last mile and more then likely hurt myself.

So I ran as fast as I felt was knee friendly when it wasn't uphill. About .25 miles from the finish Gabriel joined me. So then it wasn't about a PR at all but about it being a good experience for him. To be honest it was totally unexpected and sort of threw me off. But I'm glad he did it.

So I made it in 45:10 which is about three minutes over my last time (CORRECTION it was less then my first race, so I did set a PR First 5K My time was 46:26 even if it was a little tiny one.) I was hoping to be under 42. But when I sat down and thought it out it wasn't that bad. Sort of.

I walked about a third of this, ran the rest and went in with the kid .25 miles before the finish. Besides, while I still cringe at the photos (HOW can I still be THAT big?!) I look better then I did the last race. Less rolls of stuff.

I know should run outside before racing but well, it hurts my knees. So I'll do the 8K in December and train at the gym over the Winter and then reassess. I don't LIKE to run outside. I can't zone out. Although the trail portion,which was smaller then I'd liked, was fantastic and soft. So that is something to explore.

More then likely I'll attempt to run partially outside and see if doing that over time makes a difference. But I'm not in a hurry to do it again anytime soon, not on the road. Of course, a lot of this may have just been the day and the fact that it was not a good run.

Pre race: Eclipse made that hat

I look thoughtful but what I'm thinking is damn it's cold and when are they starting?!

Norwegian Art Film Shot

Does he know something I don't?

Part of the line, the start time was late.

This is when after I gave up trying to figure out with was wrong with me and just keep going.

When Gabriel runs onto the course. You can see I'm not sure I'm thrilled. Having to stop so close in was a little hard, but I made sure he didn't know that.

Realising that there will be other races, but Gabriel will only be eleven once and happy he wants to be with me.

Running across the finish.

At the finish.
Normally there would be some kind of post finish picture but I was feeling pretty unwell at this point. So we just walked to the car. When I look at how crappy I felt in the first picture, I'm surprised I did as well as I did,lol.

I don't want to sound like a bad mother, but I wanted to be honest about my initial ambivalence. Running is the only thing I do where my brain shuts off. It really is all about me because I am unavailable for anyone else while I am in motion.

If this was a better run and I was going to PR would I have stopped and then slowed down so we could finish together? I would love to say sure of course, but I don't know. I think that if I do run another race where I think I will do better, I will ask that they wait at the finish.

And on between times I think I might not suck as hard as I did today,lol, I'll run/walk with Gabriel. That is something I am very happy to do. The ambivalence I felt was unexpected. But then again the experience was as well.

I need to be as comfortable with the part of me that might not be thrilled as I am with the part of me that is thrilled and happy that he would want to run in with me. I think coming to terms with things like that as a Mother is what keeps you from being the Mom with the vodka and orange juice in the minivan.

UPDATE: Gabriel told me that running with me was the best part of his day (aside from reaching level 50 in WOW). He said he was worried that he wouldn't be able to run fast or far enough to keep up with me. That he was happy he could.

That's better then any PR. I told him he was welcome to join me anytime as long as the race directors were ok with it. I mean I'm not going to be running in the front, lol.

He also said he got worried when we ran through and they asked me for my tag, he'd get in trouble. So I explained what a bandit was and why he wasn't one. He's a good kid.

What the Hell

2011-11-02T05:22:00.000-07:00

is IN this body wash? Crack? Viggo Mortenson? What?!

Meet My Internal Locust

2011-10-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's really Internal Locus of Control but in my mind (hmmmm) it's an Internal Locust. NOT Jiminey Cricket, what an annoying twit he was. I think Jiminey was the first cartoon character I ever wanted to Bitch Slap.

I first read about it while reading about training for a marathon. One of the things you do to develop it is when you have a 'bad' experience you say to yourself "But it doesn't matter."

I'm tired, but it doesn't matter.

That asshole is driving like an idiot, but it doesn't matter.

I'd rather not run today, but it doesn't matter.

You get the idea. Well, it turns out it's also a big part of Behavior Modification in dogs in regard to the BAT method. But that's over on Guilt Free Fido.

Anyhow, I'm pretty wiped this morning, but it doesn't matter. It's raining and freezing out but it doesn't matter. Because I have My Internal Locust of Control. I tried to find an combat locust but this is the closest I could get, its a Locust Sniper from Gears of War.

I'm confident he could run 13.2 miles.

In fact, I'm sure he's way past the 'but it doesn't matter' stage.

I have a cold

2011-10-27T04:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't run or worked out since Saturday. I have this irrational fear that all my fitness is dissolving. But, if I get sicker I won't be able to race on Nov. 6. Or, you know, work or study.

Tomorrow I am going to go I and try and run the three miles I was supposed to start Monday.

Who would have ever thought not being able to run or work out would be distressing?

No, really. Really?! Yep, it's a real product.

2011-10-22T13:45:00.001-07:00

Yes, dear, but have you noticed how far up your ass your pants are? I mean, it's unnatural.

I just peed my pants I'm SO excited.

2011-10-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

Increasing mileage

2011-10-17T04:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, so now I am up to 2.75 although I ran 2.91 because I don't know, because I could, dammit. Besides I was really tired of going 4.5 MPH so I sprinted at 5.8 MPH until I felt like I was going to throw up. Would you believe that's my favorite part?

I'm really pleased because I am running all the way through, keeping a consistent pace. And then I glance over and see the woman next to me is going 6.8 MPH. But five minutes later she's gone and I'm trudging along. Distance, not speed is my goal. Although a little faster would be nice. Then I realize I AM going faster then last month. It's this ever increasing goal, have to adjust as there is no arriving and done. There is just getting better.

But I still hit that 2.25 point where my brain is like, wimpy, whine, pouty PIA brain. My next thing is to make myself actually run outside. I LIKE the treadmill, it has a water holder, the bathroom is right in the gym.

Plus it's soft and you just go and can zone out. Then you get off and go do something else. But since races for whatever reason aren't held on treadmills (I would SO be there) I need to run outside rather then only running outside during a race. Or, maybe I don't, we'll see.

Now Trail Running I would do. Maybe I need to drive to a trail...

From Twelve In Twelve

2011-10-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

This is from a blog I follow called Twelve In Twelve. I really like the 'ten pounds lost makes you eight minutes faster' idea. Probably makes it a whole hell of a lot easier as well.

I am training for a Half Marathon. I intend to do a full, in time, but I felt like shooting for that first would be overwhelming.

Besides, it would be great to be 1 out of a 1000 for a positive reason, you know?

Things I’ve Learned From People Who Have Finished Marathons

October 12, 2011 – 5:34 am

It doesn’t matter the time. Simply finishing a marathon is a feat in of itself. Nobody will scoff at 26.2 miles.
On the same hand, you can’t “fake” a marathon the same way you can with a 5k or even 10k. If you don’t train for a marathon, you might not finish a marathon.
Most marathoners use motivational movies and books to get inspired.
1/1,000 of 1% of the population has finished a marathon.
Research marathon training plans, and pick the one that’s right for you. And then modify it. It’s okay to make your own.
LOG THE MILES.
Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate.
Don’t always eat crap. You can eat crap, but not very often.
It is possible to train for a marathon as part of a healthy, active lifestyle. But training for a marathon does not = a healthy, active lifestyle.
If you carb-load the night before a race, you might shit like crazy.
Commit to run, and then do it. No excuses.
Post reminders or motivating quotes by your running clothes. Remember the goal.
Every run, imagine what it will feel like crossing the finish line.
Fat = fuel. You will never be totally “empty” on a run as long as you have fat on your body to burn.
New Equipment – try it, and use what works. Don’t fall into the stigma of “having” to wear a water belt/Garmin/HRM/Gel pouch. Use what works.
Don’t get in the habit of walking (unless you are walk/run training). Run if you can.
Training for a marathon is about physical preparedness and mental discipline.
Don’t wear cotton, especially if you have chafing problems.
Do wear a shirt with your name on it – it makes it much more fun for spectators to yell your name.
Get in the habit of running. Do your homework. Run, run, run.
On the day of the race, don’t be nervous. Just be focused.
On the day of a race, you won’t be as nervous if you have logged your miles.
To run a 5 hour marathon, is a 11:27 pace.
Training for a year may run out between 4 and 5 pairs of shoes.
It’s possible to run an entire marathon without having to stop and pee once. Yes, I know someone who did it. (She’s amazing.)
Start practicing with fuel (energy replacement chews, gels, etc.) before you NEED it.
Having an injury is one of the worst experiences – especially in the middle of marathon training. Do what you can to be injury-free.
It’s okay if you have a chattery mind on a run. It’s okay to think about/talk about everything on your mind. The silence will come.
If your schedule includes a run on Thursday, rest on Friday, and “long run” on Saturday – ultimately, your Thursday run will be awful. You will be fatigued and exhausted. Those runs count the most.
It might be a good idea to run 2 20-mile runs before the marathon. In case one of them is bad.
Oh yeah – you WILL have bad runs. It happens to everybody.
Don’t do anything to your feet before a race. 1-2 weeks before, don’t clip your toenails, and especially no pedicures. If they take those calluses off, you’re in BIG trouble!
Core work is important – your core muscles are what hold you upright for 26.2 miles.
For every 10 pounds you lose, it takes off 8 minutes of your finishing time.
Eat what works. Don’t change your race-day food.
The night before the race will NOT be the best sleep of your life.
If you are running with a partner and they want to run faster, THEY WILL. No apologies on the race course.
Do your best. Log the miles.
Anybody can run. But not anybody can run a marathon. It takes a lot of work, but is really, really, REALLY worth it.

You wouldn't think

2011-10-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

That adding a half mile to two miles would be hard, right? Well, its harder then I thought. I did it, all running but I was surprised at how challenging it was mentally, not so much physically to add that milage on.

The first half mile always sucks. Then but the end of mile one I'm fine and dandy. But today I kept having the 'When I get to 2 miles I can walk for two minutes." mental interruption. I have no idea why. So I made a deal with myself that I'd do just that with no intention of actually doing it.

By 2.40 my form was getting sloppy, that seemed to be the magic slop number but by then it was kind of stupid to stop. I'm happy that I finished and happy that I kept it under a 12 mile pace (barely) constantly which is faster for me. Plus my heart rate is staying at a much lower rate these days.

But why is it that my mind wants to quite before my body does? I'm not even in pain. I get tired, sure, but what the hell? Maybe it's that part of your brain that thinks something must be really wrong if you are running for that long.

Sometimes when I get tired I imagine some kind of survival scenario (most morbid runner ever) just to try and convince my brain that no, really, this is good. Monday I go to 2.75 so that should be interesting. SOmetimes I wish my head would just STFU.

I've been a little busy.

2011-10-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a mad scramble for money these last few months and with the economy sucking it, people just aren't buying really awesome stuff they don't need.

I know, right?

So needed a job. I needed something that went along with my training (I'm running a Half Marathon next Fall) and I needed something that wouldn't' make me want to spike myself in the eye. No, I am not one for a Customer Service Position.

So we have this:

Visit Site

The incredibly talented Kaelin did the design for me. She has a site called Kaelin Web Design not to mention all the work she's done over on Blue Dot . Don't get me wrong, I'm all about making stuff but it's just not selling now. I'm hoping my consignment will sell.

I'm considering Dog Training formally, but I really need to determine f I can deal with the human aspect of all. I'd wager training isn't doing so well either, but walking still seems to be ok. So wish me luck!

Funny.

2011-10-02T14:47:00.001-07:00

I guess something is better then nothing?

2011-10-01T06:29:00.000-07:00

I can't quite figure this 5K out. It's to benefit the Mental Health Alliance and is sponsored by the Safety and Health Alliance, from what I gather. I thought at first it was a Stephen Colbert event. I think it's sort of in poor taste, not to mention they ripped off Steve. NAMI isn't my favorite group, but still.

Run/Walk To Restore Sanity and/or Fear 5K

East Potomac Park golf course entrance,

Saturday, April 28, 2012 @ 8:00 AM

http://www.safetyandhealthfoundation.org/20120428/

Be the first to review

contact event d

Bwhahahahaaaa...

2011-09-30T09:12:00.001-07:00

Toddlers & Tiaras with Ashley Tisdale from Ashley Tisdale

Sept Pic

2011-09-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

Not the greatest but I had to get one in before Sept was over. I'm down 30 pounds since April. The last five this week. Just 59 more to go...

I still have a hard time with pictures because I feel thinner then I look and then I get all sad,lol. Remember that shirt? That was my goal shirt in May.

April Left- Fifteen minutes ago, right

I've been grinning all day.

2011-09-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

I was accused of being a troll on a Runner's Forum. Because I'd not posted before and because I disagreed with the tenor of a thread. For whatever reason this has been cracking me up all morning. Those of you that know me will understand when I say "Oh, the ironing!"

I thought that would be an interesting way to conduct oneself in the Real World. I don't know you and you disagree with me, therefore you must be a fake persona created to sow dissent. Awesome.

What IS awesome is I ran 2 miles without stopping, no walking, at a good pace and it was....easy. I cannot tell you how totally pleased with myself I am at this moment. Even if I'm not real...

Well said.

2011-09-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

Jung

Awesome...

2011-09-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

I finally ran a mile without stopping. Then I walked two minutes and then ran another mile. My training goal was an easy 2 miles with a 17:36 pace and my actual pace was 19:26.

What's funny is that when I make two miles I then reward myself by sprinting as fast as I can until I can't. All things being relative 5.3 miles an hour compared to 4.3 is fast,lol.

So that's it, just thought I'd share.

Remember when this blog was about making things?

2011-09-26T05:37:00.000-07:00

I was pondering that over the last couple of days, realizing how much the focus has changed. I'm not sure remaking myself really counts. There has been a lot going on off-blog, stuff I need to handle on my end and that continues. But we don't' need to go into all that. It's all economy tanking no work related, nothing dire although at times it sure feels that way.

ANyway, I am going to clear out my workspace and get some work down per the next couple of weeks. So I'll post pictures. It's been hard to get motivated between being tired and the realization that things simply aren't selling. I can't believe people don't NEED my stuff,lol.

My next 5K is November 6 and I'd like to get in under 40 minutes but thats almost six off my first time. Under 45 would be cool too. I'll try and get some 'Hey, I'm less fat!' pictures up too. But for now, here are gratuitous dog pictures.

See that Collie mix to the left? he is the most discreet herder ever. He loves to run along Kinley when he's getting the ball, or in this case the same damn toy he's taken there for two months. But he is so discreet he's no bother.

Us, for two weeks now.

Nap

A sleeping dog lying.

My two boys.

Eyes on the road. Then on me. Then on the road. Pretty much from start to finish. I'm sure he think's he's a better driver.

Update

2011-09-23T05:07:00.000-07:00

Gabriel went to the gym with me for ten minutes yesterday. Andrew suggested that he start with ten minutes and slowly increase. Gabriel actually worked hard for those ten minutes, with NO complaining and wants to go again today.

Sunday we met with Andrew and Gabriel is actually pretty excited about that (reminds self to ask Andrew if being blogged about by name makes him feel weird).

I'm feeling mostly better. I tried to explain a little of what happened to one of the owners and got this 'positive' reply about how everyone improves at their own rate and etc. This made me think she is totally clueless about the gross disparity in my class.

If you have a group of people who are diverse but still in the same figurative ballpark regarding capability thats fine. If you have a group where one person is the only beginner, not so much. But I didn't feel like explaining anything else.

I think the fact that I don't need these people to understand my motivation is a good thing. Sometimes being a grown up is pretty cool.

In which it gets worse.

2011-09-22T05:35:00.000-07:00

So last night the power on our block went out again. So I took Gabriel to the second class with me. I figured he could stay in the store, or the car or on the field where I thought we'd be doing drills. He was really interested so he did all the stretching, etc.

The the teacher announces we are doing Fartleks (these are intervals where you run normally and then sprint for a determined amount of time). Then she gives us directions that go something like "Down fifth sure, left on something, right on something and then back."

I have a problem with sequencing information and even though I asked again, right after "Down fifth" it just went blank. It was dark and I realized I had no idea where to go and that everyone was so much faster I'd be running alone.

So I volunteered to stay and watch everyone's stuff and run in the field. That way Gabriel could stay with me and the teacher could run with them. What I didn't say was I'd be the last one in by a LONG shot and I'd feel stupid holding up class and that I didn't really feel like running alone in the dark was something I was up to.

The bottom line here is that their way of dividing 101 and 201 is stupid. To be in 201 you have to run a nine minute mile. So you have people that take 101 over and over. It's not a Beginners Class that is full of Beginners.

It's full of, for the most part, people who have been running awhile or people who are waiting to get into 201. How the hell they get Transitional Class from walking to running out of that is beyond me, unless they simply aren't paying attention.

I don't mind being last, honest, but being last by THAT much is demoralizing and humliating. I was actually in tears, no lie. I walked into the class feeling like I'd made so much progress over the last six months and ended up feeling like a fat loser who was kidding herself.

It' s not enough to have three levels of drills to choose from. I think they need to pay attention to the PEOPLE in the class and really see where they are at. Maybe have a real beginners class and then 101 and 201. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable and able. I'm not one someone who gets easily discouraged or expects to have my hand held.

But it was awful. I talked to the teacher and she told me I could do the best I could and that 'there is a place for you' and all that but the bottom line is that when you have a class with such disparity, there isn't a place for everyone. Is everyone supposed to wait ten minutes for me to come back in? That's grossly unfair to them.

Am I supposed to just modify everything? I can do that all by myself.

The worst part was as we were leaving I noticed Gabriel was tearing up and looked really upset. he sort of fell apart and was telling me about how that all reminded him of elementary school (he just started Middle School) and how he was always last and how much he hated it and how he felt like he was invisible because he couldn't do as well as the other kids.

His P.E. Teachers were clueless, he's about 15 pounds overweight, one of them told him he was obese and both of them just figured he wasn't trying hard enough. Or that he was being stubborn. He has so much anger and hurt from this and it just all sort of came pouring out. I wish I would have known because I would have raised hell.

For those of you who don't know, my son is Autistic. Thanks to years of intensive therapy starting at two he is high functioning but struggles with emotional, speech and physical functions at times.

This was the first time he had mentioned any of this. Anyone who is a parent and gives a shit will testify that thinking your kid is telling you what is important, only to find out they are holding onto something like this...well it makes your heart hurt.

Realising that this was you in school? And here you are again at 45? I'm still trying to sort through that. Maybe that's why I was as upset as I was. I'm not easily upset, especially over something I'd consider silly as an adult. Normally, I'd just be like, eh, not for me.

So yeah, good times.

Gabriel has decided, however, that he wants to run a 5K with me Thanksgiving morning. I have a generous friend who is also a kid's coach who is going to help us as far as setting up a training plan for him so we don't have a repeat of last night.

If I didn't have the support I do, I would have walked away from that class and given up on running. I felt so low and so incompetent.

The store agreed to let me carry over until Spring and I'll take the class then. I'm assuming by then I'll be in better shape and not so pissed at them.

Really?

2011-09-20T05:28:00.000-07:00

So last night was the first Running 101 class. You know, the class where the description is "if you can run 30 to 60 seconds and are looking for a transition from walking to running.."?

We are to run/walk 1/2 mile to the track and then the teacher announces that we are all to run a mile as fast as we can. I caught a lift with the instructor as I was the only one who couldn't run and didn't want to be the only walker who got there eventually. From what I'm gathering (a third has taking this class three times) I am the only beginning runner.

I'm thinking WTF?! Really? The idea, I suppose is to determine how fast you can run a mile, but you know, 101? I did about half before my hamstring (it's decided it needs to be two or three inches shorter then it is) was like, nope.

Then after that we did running drills. That was more suitable as you had three levels to choose from. Suffice to say it was a whole lot more then I'd bargained for. I'd already run 3 miles that morning and it was 7:30 at night on a track. By that time I'm in pajamas and getting Gabriel settled in for the night.

I'll continue to see how it goes, Wednesdays are supposed to be all drills, tempo, fartlek, relay (not excited since I'm the slowest) etc. Monday we meet at the track for endurance type running.

I guess I expected more of what I'd assume was 101, like form work, you know setting a foundation. Also the stretches that we were supposed to do were not safe for people with knee injuries. Lots of hyper extending. So I did something else.

It was not what I'd call a positive experience. If I had been taking this as a look see (which I should have done) I wouldn't have registered way back when. There is another store that offers similar training and they insist you take it for a week before committing. In hindsight I should have looked around a bit more a previewed the programs.

I felt like there should have at least been a first session where the Coach asked basic info, maybe you fill out a form, so they know what's going on. Not standing in a circle saying your first name and why you are here. It felt very amatuer.

So all in all, it was a little frustrating and not as organized and I expected. It's seems to be very generic and the fact that the coach was recommending stretches without considering previous or current injury concerns me.

All in all it was a little discouraging and a bit disappointing. But we'll see how it pans out.

UPDATE: I just got back from talking with my trainer who is also a coach for track and he was really upset when I laid last night out for him. Which makes me feels you know, validated, but at the same time more disgruntled,lol.

Must Do

2011-09-18T14:17:00.001-07:00

Awesome!

2011-09-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

147

Holly

Mcconnell

Arlington

45:53.7

46:31.8

Ok, see that first time, 45:53? That is my chip time which means that I was only 53 seconds over my goal. It may not seem like a huge difference between the second (The Gun Time) but it makes me happy.

My G Rank was 87, I am assuming this is how many running total? And my A Rank was 15, which I'm assuming is age group.

So am pleased, there were about 200 people total. I have no idea how many on my age bracket. Hopefully more then 16...

First 5K

2011-09-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

So other then my Popliteus on my left knee giving me some trouble, I feel pretty good. I did a lot better then I thought I would. My time was 46:26 and my goal was to make it under 45 minutes but I can live with that.

I ran a lot more then I thought I would, a lot more then I walked. It was actually...fun. I don't know why. Running on pavement sucks. It was chilly so that was great. But why it was fun and I am totally doing it again October 7 I can't tell you. There is really no reason it should have been.

I was disappointed that there wasn't a bib. So obviously I have to run another race.

Gabriel and I pre race.

Yes, both my shoes have to be exactly as tight on both feet. I think this cost me three minutes.

I didn't even see Hamid and Gabriel on the side, all I saw was the Finish Line.

I hate this picture because of how fat I am, but I love it because you can see how determined I am.

Post Race

I included this because Gabriel looks really proud of me.

I was really not happy with my pictures because, fuck, I'm still really fat. *sigh* But I'm posting them anyway. In the last one you can see that soda bottle in my left hand. Gabriel saved me the last two inches of his soda. because he 'knew I needed the caffeine.' I just thought that was so great.

It was the last thing I wanted to drink, but hey, you know? I was surprised at how SO not hungry I was after. I had to force a half a bagel and an apple down. I felt awesome though. Not tired once I had a few minutes of not running. Which makes me think I could have gone harder, but I didn't want to hurt myself.

Again.

SO, that's it. I think it was good for Gabriel to be there and see his Mom do something like that. The next one is Cross Country out in Centreville at 8:30 (7:15 check in) so I imagine they'll be staying home for that one.

Check this out...

2011-09-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

So I checked out this audio book 'The Bodies Left Behind" and I cannot find it, anywhere. So I get a Lost Item Bill from the library for $103.00.

Yes, $103.00. I look it up on Amazon and it's $30, as you would expect it to be. So I call my library and the whole time I'm thinking "Please, do not let that bitch pick up the phone."

Imagine The Church Lady and a Mall Cop combined and then throw Hipster (gag) Glasses on that hot mess. This woman, who must be all of 28 has a literal stick up her ass. So of course, she answers.

I explain that there must be a mistake because there is no way any audio book of normal crime trash drama costs $103.00. Rather then do what any normal person would and say something like 'Wow!" or "No kidding!" I get the following.

"It's possible that there is a mistake. What is your account number?"

"I don't have my card, can you look it up by name?"

"Yes, but I can give you more detailed info by number." (this is total crap, btw as I've gone through this before)

"Let me find my keys......."

"Ok, it's long list of numbers."

Five minutes of waiting while she makes hmmm sounds.

"Hey, can I just buy a copy and replace it? I'll include the receipt."

"We don't accept replacements." (WTF?)

"I'll look again and see if I can find it."

"Well, we would like to have our item back."

This is where I just stare at the phone and wonder WHY anyone needs to be such a passive aggressive bitch asshat. You can garner the tone, right?

"Well, I can look into this but as you can imagine the person I'd need to speak to doesn't work on the weekends."

"That's fine."

"It will take me awhile."

"That's fine."

"I'll have to get back to you."

"Listen, take all the time you need because I am not walking in there and writing a check for $103.00 for an audio book that cost $30 brand new."

"Well, we don't know that's a mistake."

"If I find it I'll bring it in."

"We'd like to have it back."

"I'd love to give it to you."

"If you return it your fees are less then $10.00."

"That's quite the incentive."

Followed by some promise to get back to me, blah, blah. Try and understand that all of this is delivered by her in the sactimonious slightly offended tone. I can't wait to hear the result of her inquiry.

Running Madness

2011-09-15T13:59:00.001-07:00

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

Saucony Cortana

2011-09-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

You know I love my Kinvaras. Love. Them. But running on pavement was a jarring experience. As in bone owie, WTF? jarring. Maybe 20 or 30 pounds down the line but for now, not an option.

This was a problem since my training classes and my 5K are held outside. In my perfect world it would all be held on a treadmill. With a fan.

I couldn't go back to my Fat Runner shoes, Saucony Pro Grid Triumph or Hurricane, can't recall, because of the heel lift. The last thing I needed is to go back to a high heel. So I started researching.

The Cortanas (wonder if the designer is a game geek as it's the name of the A.I. in Halo) got rave reviews and are essentially a trainer with a dropped heel and less shoe. But a hefty tag at $145. Hefty when you don't have any money. If I had dispensable lucre I'd think that was quite reasonable but that is pretty much my cut off point.

Halo Cortana

I ended up taking advantage of Road Runner Sports exchange policy. Quite generous, you get two months and no questions asked. I wasn't please (I may have cried a little) to say goodbye to my Kinveras but well, you know, I need to be able to run outside.

I'll let you know how they perform Saturday but so far I am in LOVE with them. I could have done without the pink, but thats all they had in stock and I needed them now. At least the combo is sorta New Wave looking.

Loving the upper, the honeycomb silver grey is very Space Oddessy. They aren't as minimal as I'm used to but most importunely they allow my foot to flex. The only difference between them and the K's as far as I can tell, is the extra cushion and the feel of more shoe, but not trainer shoe weight or bulk.

I wear a 10 in running shoes but had to go up to an 11 in the Saucony K's and Cortana. Fantastic toe box, to me there is more give in the Cortana then the Kinvara. The sole of the Cortana also feels wider and more stable. Not something I'd prefer, but not a deal breaker.

There's all kinds of other features but nothing I am qualified to speak on. But I'll let you know if they help a fat girl run on pavement.

I know it's not Christmas, but...

2011-09-15T06:05:00.001-07:00

So I'm going to do it.

2011-09-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

The 5K. Even if I can't run all of it. At least I'll know if it's something I want to do again, right? After all my biggest concern was really how well I would do with the crowds and so many people, well, so close.

I am going to leave the dogs at home though. Any of them would pick up on any anxiety and that wouldn't go so well. I'd only take Baxter, but still.

My husband will pick up my packet Friday and drop me off Saturday morning so I don't have to deal with parking. It's close enough to walk except its a mile of huge hill there and back. No thanks.

SO MUCH, SO LITTLE (wtf caps lock?)

2011-09-10T16:13:00.000-07:00

Yep, I really listen to Eminem. 'Til I Collapse' and 'Lose Yourself' are everyday run songs. And 'Slim Shady' is just a riot. This vid is the clean version cause it's the only version I could find...

I keep coming here meaning to write something, but there's so much little stuff scrambling my brain it's hard to suss out just what writes down.

My biggest dilemma (or really a delimma I can control, I have bigger frying fish right now) is whether or not to run my first 5K this Saturday. In a week. This would have been a non dilemma if I hadn't gotten a wonky knee and had to take two months off.

But, whatever, right? So I have just started a week ago. What bemuses me is that I haven't really wanted to blog about it thinking my knees would explode in a grisly display of public mockery. Its pretty amazing how terrifying knees can be, those bitches OWN you.

Anyway..i can run up to eight minutes at a time, walk fast a few and then eight again as of today. My left knee was all 'I'm just fucking with ya!' the last interval. It's hard to gauge the difference between caution and an excuse to quit.

I've done al my PT, worked hard of getting ass muscle and all the things I was supposed to do to bolster these two Arch Villians with their little knotty ligaments on the Self Destruct Button at all times. Dropping the weight would help, duh, but I have been training so hardcore it isn't happening.

Huh?

No really, serious weight training so the weight loss has gone from a screeching halt to just a halt. This isn't a bad thing, but it's not making me lighter. That comes later. Or so I keep repeating to myself.

Thing is I can walk 5K, I mean, come ON, right? But hear me out, I hate crowds. I'm not sure I will enjoy the process at all. SO why would I want to walk with a bunch of people? I'm only running the 5K because I never have and it seemed like the next thing to do.

There is also the small issue of never having run outside. SO I know my pitiful treadmill performance will be reduced to, well, more pitiful. I was going to take Baxter, my oldest male dog, but now I'm thinking if this is my first and I'm already conflicted (did I mention there are hills) because I don't feel ready, this isn't the time or place to add a 90 pound dog that WILL make me go harder.

Harder is fine, but this is not a good harder scenario.

This is what happens when you have people and animals who depend on you and no health insurance to boot. If I didn't and did I'd totally go for it. I'd also still be dog scootering, but hey. Walking is the safer option but it's W A L K I N G I have finessed walking.

So that along with with diet tinkering (happy medium between not falling over and not being a Fat Runner) I'm sort of at sea.

Dies Laughing

2011-09-06T14:56:00.001-07:00

For those of you who somehow escaped it, this is a parody of Rebecca Blacks 'song' Friday. I have not yet been able to make it through the video due to overwhelming secondhand embarrassment.

The Hard Way

2011-09-02T18:45:00.001-07:00

The Myth Of Balance

2011-09-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

I often come across people who declare they are 'seeking balance'. This phrase does not make me want to poke my eyes out like 'weight loss journey ' does but I instead I sort of shrug and think "Good luck with that."

As if we are delicate beings swaying in the wind, threatened with toppling at any given moment should we lean one way or another. Trust me, we are way more like Weebles. Most of us wobble, but we don't fall down. Not permanently anyway.

I'm convinced the Quest For Balance is really I Feel Guilty all nobled up. Guilty you spent way too much time running and now your kids are all pouty. Guilty you spent to much time online and now the housework or whatever isn't done.

That isn't imbalance, that's selfishness and lack of self control when it's so extreme is hurts others. But if we call it 'seeking balance' it sounds like something we never had control of, right? I mean, we would never be selfish or self centered, we are just off balance.

Sure.

Lets face it, there are things I'd like to do more then others. That's what makes me human and likable and not Joan of Arc* who frankly, was nuts and kind of a pill. I never got the adoration over someone who was manipulated because she thought it was Gods work to go kill people. That ended well.

Being delusional and violent isn't noble and doing something you want to more then something you don't isn't being off balance.

If you are Off Balance because you are overextended and never do anything for yourself and run around doing for others 24/7 then this will be harder for you. Because you need to figure out what you are distracting yourself from and why you aren't worth a little self interest. It's still self serving behavior, but it's not something a blog post can fix.

Bear with me and lets look at the possibility of having a Balanced Life. It isn't. Unless you are a robot and if that's the case then I have tons of stuff I need help with.

What is possible is taking stock on a daily basis and determining who you are serving. If it's all you all the time, chances are you are an asshole. If it's you and others and a little more you because you really like something and so you feel guilty because something doesn't get done, you are human.

Just like me. Yay!

When I started getting healthy a LOT fell by the wayside, like making things, for example. Marketing my site, etc. So I tried to Big Picture it because being fat, sick and tired didn't help me address those things. I'm doing something that while in the short term, makes me neglectful, in the long term benefits.

I'd like to see us let go of the Myth of Balance. We are people, not Justice Scales. We are, for the most part, active participants. Most of all, as humans, we are self serving. This isn't bad or good, this just is. Give that up and you become Perpetual Martyr and no one wants t be around you, trust me.

Rather then Balance, just pay attention to what you are doing and how it affects others. It's really that simple.

*There is this phrase credited to her "I am not afraid, I was born to do this." (ironically the crucial contextual mention of God is omitted) that is supposed to be inspirational. Every time I read that I wonder how versed people are in regard to Joan and what she was responsible for. She's no Heroine.

I'm convinced that if she were a man she'd be classified as a religious fanatic who used religion to justify war. Which is exactly what she was. She was not a feminist and in fact refused to allow women to serve in the military. She was a teenager, was killed when she was 19.

In a few short years she lead thousands to their death, as either invaders or defenders, in the name of God and France. Not unlike some of our modern day True Believers. While True Believers are great motivational speakers, I have yet to find one worthy of a 'motivational quote'.

Marathon Challenge Documentary

2011-08-30T16:37:00.001-07:00

If it's jerky, watch it on the You Tube site.

Good thing I checked.

2011-08-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

So since the Miracle of The Pants happened I thought I'd really get down to business and get rid of any and all clothes that were the slightest bit big. First because it makes me look sloppy but really, it's because if my clothes are loose I get complacent.

Those clothes on the bed, those are all my 200 pound clothes from eight years ago along with some I bought that were too small then. Most were in the bottom drawer of my dresser, some in the closet. I figured when I hit 200 I'd give them a try. But since the MTP happened I thought I should revisit them sooner.

Good thing because they all fit. Even the too small then ones. If I had waited they'd all be too big which would have made me less happy then you'd imagine. Because they are all pretty new (as in not worn) and well, clothes cost money. I know, right?

You can see my pups all, I don't know what, really, uh, keeping watch? That's about 300 pounds of dog crammed into whatever space they could find. I was pretty impressed.

And that is the drawer, because I'm punchy after a whole day of clothes and closet and under bed cleaning and figured WTH?

Sunday Music Leonard Cohen

2011-08-28T12:46:00.001-07:00

August Pictures

2011-08-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

So...

I found these pants accidentally. I bought them eight years ago when I was 200 and they were too small. They are Columbia Tek (not the Uni) pants in an XL.

Made for hiking, etc. I tried them on just I don't know, to torture myself and they fit. And not, Fiiiiiit fit, I mean, they zipped up and snapped and weren't stressed or stretched.

Again, It's not the greatest pic, hard to get an 11 year old boy to take good pictures and I'm squinting with wet hair,lol. The side you can see I'm smaller but still the same shape. I'll take smaller but I'd like a substantial gut increase.

Thing is, I'm still at 223. So I'm heavier then when these pants were too small. This is what heavy duty weight training will do for ya. Top is April, Middle is July and bottom is now. Just 63 more pounds to go...

I needed this.

2011-08-20T18:41:00.001-07:00

Been feeling rather demoralized. I have this DVD, everyone should, really. SO I thought would share it with you. I also have the CD, I need to go listen to it...

DOMS, Blue Hanger and a PSA

2011-08-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

I think the technical term is Delayed Owie Muscle Suckage. See I went from my 'Lets get you stable." trainer to my 'Let's fix your knee' trainer/PT and yesterday worked out with Andrew. Think Jillian Michaels, but you don't want to bitch slap him over and over and over.

I like him a lot.

He killed me Tuesday but I did well and felt fine. So well in fact that he has concluded that I am not exercising at the level I should be and that I need to ramp it way up. Yay? ANYway, I worked out a bit today, no big stuff, lots of tedious PT knee mostly.

Came home, had lunch, ran errands. Sat down to play Silent Hill (wow the graphics were sucky ten years ago) because a new one is coming out in October, and when I got up an hour later almost fell over and died. I haven't been this sore since I started Martial Arts. Its AWESOME.

Although I am a little leery about what he has planned for Friday....

Coincidentally, I am now a blue hanger at Target. This means I wear a large not an XL in tops. It was funny having to retrain my eye to look for blue hangers. I didn't buy anything cause we are broke, but wanted to see if I had gotten in smaller and I have. From an XL to an L in normal, not women's sizes (No more 1,2,3 for me!) and from a 22 to a 20 to an 18 as of today.

Now this is good but gentle reader, take heed. If you are fat, lose it NOW. There were jeans I couldn't wear because while they fit, the loose skin on my thighs and stomach was grotesque when I sat down. I have this big muscle mass with a layer of fat with a lot of extra skin. So the skin sort of moves and settles really horribly. Like I'm melting.

I am trying really hard to stay positive, a challenge for me any day, but as much as I've big girl pantied it, it's hard. I can sit and grab a handful of this quaintly called Mother's Apron but medically addressed as pannis. You can Google it if you have a strong anti OMG reflect. If it were gone, I'd be ten pounds lighter.

The smaller I get the more It Becomes.... But I kind of like looking over my boobs and not seeing a gut. Like I have to sort of peer under. In a bra, without a bra it's just one melting mess of mammary. I don't know where I will end up, surgery is out of the question for lots of reasons. I'm hoping it will get marginally better, nut if not, oh well, right?

I don't really feel great about sharing this. But it's my PSA. Take heed. Once you become obese enough and old enough, what you end up with after a lot of hard work isn't very pretty naked. So don't do that.

ps. I also recommend giving away your clothes the INSTANT they are too big. It's really easy to get complacent when your pants are ass baggy.

Ok, I'll tell you then.

2011-08-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

For like, the last twelve years I have thrown up every day. It's down to a science, I feel nauseous and if I can gag (really, I can just do that) it passes. Sometimes not. It's never during one time of the day. I had tests to check for all kinds of things. I just figured it was something I'd deal with and I did.

Then I started juicing and only eating veg/beans/seeds. One day I realized I hadn't thrown up in well, in like, two days. I also found out that tea makes me sick to my stomach, go figure. Black tea. Tannic acid or just I don't know The Queen hates me or something.

ANYway, I have been re-introducing foods. I can do ok with sprouted breads a couple times a week. Three wafer cookies made me sick. SO we did some stuff (the Royal We) and found out while not Celiac or strictly intolerant (others may disagree) gluten makes me feel like crap. And want to kill people.

Enter sorbet for the sugar test. Fine and dandy, which kind of surprised me. Not that I'll be sugaring it up, but this is all part of the process.

Today I had vanilla soft serve. Back to Puky Town along with some noxious fumage. So dairy is out. *GROSS ALERT** I'm also thinking the nausea has something to do with the lovely mucous I've been spitting since three this afternoon. Funny what you live with day to day and don't notice.

I'm really kind of a private person and I have to idea why anyone would want to read this, BUT, maybe you are having difficulties and can't figure out why. I have eaten this stuff forever and you know what, I have never felt well. AT one point we were (not the Royal, the doctor and I) were looking at Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Anemia and Parkinson's because my tremor was so bad. The tremor is still there, but greatly diminished.

It never occurred to me, or was suggested, it was food related because while fat, I ate what I considered good food. Lots of yogurt, whole wheat, etc. When I started my juice thing that sort of set the Duh Wheels in motion.

So, what I'm being usually long winded about is start with the basics. If you feel like shit everyday, are tired everyday, take the time to do a food elimination and re-introduction. It's simple and it's, best of all, free.

As for me, I'm satisfied and will go back to juice, veg, etc. Very clean eating. Just the last few days I have felt not so great and I want it back *sob*. I have not gained any of the weight back now that I'm eating more, in fact I've lost a few more pounds. I have noticed that during my week of what am I allergic to, my skin doesn't look nearly as nice.

Now if I could just learn to love lentils.

Oh, FINE.

2011-08-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

Seems dairy is now off the table as well as gluten. Don't ask how I know, just take my word for it.

Goat Milk Soap

2011-08-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

Mermaid Soap

Well, the last of the soap is going up on Blue Dot Shops Goat Mountain Arts I still have about six more scents to list, but when it's gone, it's gone.

Shipping is still a Flat Rate of $6.00 within the USA regardless of how many shops you buy from at any given time.

So now is the time to swoop in and stock up, for yourself or for Christmas. If there is something you want and don't see, shoot me a note. I may not have it listed yet. I am also open to making a few custom batches, but this will be the end of the soap making for a couple years, if not well, the end.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

2011-08-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

*sigh*

SO it looks like I'll be walking my first 5K 9/17/11. If I'm super lucky I can run a little of it. Turns outs it's really my MCL (meniscus something ligament) I'm supposed to be happy because most people tear it and mine is 'just sprained'. I don't feel lucky, I feel pissed and really disappointed and frustrated. On a good day.

So for now it's no running, no 'real'walking, just bike and maybe some Arc Trainer which at least works you way harder then the mind numbing Elliptical.

I'm still juicing, eating clean and raw mostly with the exception of Pho type soups which leads me to the Holy Grail in A Box Pacific Foods Organic Pho Base. I almost wept. No lie.

I have some recipes to post in a couple days of stuff I've been fiddling with, and yes, it has Chia seeds.

Want

2011-08-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Are you dying to have these? I know I am. My very good friend Jo has them listed here noJoisaverage and if I had pocket money I'd be all over them.

Imagine them as the most awesome supply holders EVER.

Jo also has a shop on Blue Dot called 42 Things that has some wonderful items. All lovely goods and all recycled.

2011-08-06T07:02:00.001-07:00

Chia Seeds

2011-07-31T06:48:00.000-07:00

I'm really skeptical when it comes to 'hot' foods. Like maca or whatever magic superfood is supposed to make everything ok.

That being said, Chia Seeds kick ass for real. Rather then a rush, it's just, you have more long term energy. Because they absorb so much water (nine times their size) they make you feel fuller and two tbls has 24 percent of your daily fiber.

I started having them for breakfast as made here Healthful Sense and have used a blueberry slurry and almond milk combo as well. 1/4 cup makes a BIG serving, about a cup. It seems like a lot but it goes down well and doesn't sit in the stomach.

If you don't like pudding textures you could throw a handful of oats to muesli in after everything has jelled. I have also used them with pomegranite juice to eat throughout the day and there is a recipe of that blog for chia jam that is fantastic.

They don't get slimy like flaxseed and don't have to be ground either, plus they don't go rancid. Ground flax in a smoothie can get gross really fast. They also have more nutritional value, protein and whatnot.

I'm looking to buy in five pound bags because at $9 a pound that's just too spendy. But it is something I will continue to eat.

Tastes better then it looks, honest.

2011-07-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

I can't really credit anyone person as this recipe is all over the place. Here is my version. I am going to try them with some pumpkin instead of banana, eventually.

2 egg whites
1 banana
1 scoop protein powder (I use Vegan Vanilla)
throw some flax meal in there or not

I smash the banana first and then which the rest of it. I cook it in a generous scoop of coconut oil because it's good for you and tasty. Sometimes I throw blueberries all over it while cooking. Today it was a papaya and pineapple puree with chia seeds.

It makes a big breakfast for one. More like banana pancakes then you'd think. I have no idea how many calories as I'm not counting right now. It didn't sit like a lump in my stomach and while I was full, I didn't feel logy at all.

Sorry about the sucky picture, I was REALLY hungry after the gym and didn't want to look for my camera.

Anything else?

2011-07-26T09:56:00.001-07:00

Ok, we have Agave (Amazon has great prices, much less then grocery.) instead of sugar. Coconut oil instead of butter (Amazon) which I really like.

Picking up some vegan and raw cookbooks at the library. Going to make cookies out if chickpeas and chocolate mousse out of avocados.

This latter sound disgusting, but if the boy will eat it that would be fabulous. I'll keep you posted.

Goat

Well, that kinda sucks.

2011-07-25T05:49:00.001-07:00

I am 42.6 percent fat. I should be between 30 and 34 percent. There's something to work on...

Thats funny.

2011-07-24T18:35:00.001-07:00

I am really excited about using the Chia seeds I'm waiting for. No, really, I am.

Day Nine

2011-07-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a little hard. kept thinking about toast and cake. SO much so that I got a piece of raisin bread out of the freezer (Oregon Trail, good stuff). My thinking was that since I was eating veggies and fruit plus juicing that this would be fine. I can't follow that line of reasoning either.

Then I realised I was one day eight and it was kind of stupid to blow it for something that will still be there a week from now. That is a big part of my eating problem. For a long time as a teen and when was pregnant with my first food was not something on hand. So you ate as much as possible when it was.

This carried over as feeling anxious anytime I got hungry. The subconcious is a wonderful thing, but I have learned that it is not very smart. It takes the worst case scenario and preps you for that even when you are no longer in that sort of environment.

This can result in all sorts of things like creating drama so you can cope with it and eating too much because it's there. For starters.

Because it's well, sub conscious it's sneaky so you have to go through a constant ritual of double checking. Do I really want/need to react/behave this way or is this an old ingrained survival pattern?

As you get older, hopefully, things that saved your life became unnecessary. Problem is, your subconsious is the last to know and skeptical to boot. Sometimes it's no big deal, other times it results in marrying someone just like your abusive parent.

Unless you bring your subconscious to the surface and show it that hey, everything IS BETTER now, you will create and recreate what you've survived, not (and I don't get this) what you flourish in. There is a very important difference here. Surviving means you keep breathing, it's really not that great. But, we tend to settle for it because for a long time, that was the best we could hope for.

Now we are all grown up. We can make decisions. We can defend ourselves and try new things without terrible ramifications. We can be treated well without it being a set up. All kinds of nifty things.

But here I am at 45 looking at a fucking piece of raisin bread. Actually, there is a lot of it, when we do have money I buy and store all the food I can. This is an example of a helpful survival behavior. But the low level panic that led me to the freezer? Not so much.

Unless raisin bread thieves break in and make it past the dogs (ha ha) it will still be there (no one else likes it) when I've done with day fifteen. I realized too that some of this comes from my husbands current job ended with no next one in sight and enough money to just cover bills for August. That old 'store up' now urge is always there, but I don't think raisin bread is going to make a difference. Logically.

Subconsciously, I'm still working on that. Just like I'm working on not creating horrific scenarios (in my head) that God willing will never happen so I'll 'be prepared'. Not only is it false security but it's grotesque and needing to do that was a big part of my WTF?! moment. Who thinks that shit up? Well, me.

So now I stop.

Having the dogs is why I no longer map out an escape plan every night 'just in case'. But I don't think they can help me with the raisin bread. It's very funny to me, really, to have come through (for the most part) what I have and still have this minute long conversation with a piece of bread in plastic wrap.

ANYway, I'm not sure if I'm very clear (I gave up on concise four paragraphs ago) but what I'm saying is that it's good to slow down and check yourself every now and again. It's hard when you are a head dweller, but being out really isn't that bad.

If I honestly take stock of the why of what I do, I can see there are still some behaviors that don't jive with now. Now is where I am, I'd like to live there as well as possible.

I love you Tim! screaming fan girl sound

2011-07-19T16:44:00.001-07:00

Dude, if this doesn't fix any funk, enlighten any chore, then well, you must suck or something. Or you are my husband. But in all fairness there are some cultural divides too wide to consider crossing, I'm listing to the whole original soundtrack while cleaning the kitchen. SO awesome.

I think what gets missed often is the caliber of acting and the really well done soundtrack. I'm mean, yeah, it's campy as hell, but it's no B Movie.

Shoot, he's even hot in Muppet Treasure Island.

Whatever.

2011-07-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

No running, for two weeks minimum. Not a shin splint but an issue with Plantar and Dorsal Flexation (mostly that mine doesn't) that hooks into my Periformas being tighter then insert metaphor of your liking here.

My trainer is moving. Good news is my new one is getting his PT/OT Degree and interning while training. So it's like free PT. Sort of. So now we get to work on fixing me.

Not having bionic parts really sucks.

July Pics

2011-07-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking it might be time to take pictures with a 'real' camera. See my baggy pants? I used to have ass there. New shorter hair. Less chins. Gotta throw in the April Before Picture. That's Kinley wondering why the hell I'm just standing there.

Funniest discovery? Being at the gym and realizing I have a crotch. Usually there would be the fat apron hanging over most of that. Not that I'm all about you looking at my crotch, but if you click on the pics and zoom in you can see the difference.

Those pants used to be snug. My biggest challenge remains the inner tube abdomen. My hips are now 47 (down from 50) but my gut is still 48 (down from 52). But that can only get better.

Random Nutritional Fact

2011-07-18T07:10:00.001-07:00

or something else I didn't know.

"The Best Food for Bones: Fruits and Vegetables

Millions of women have been falsely led to believe that there is a correlation between osteoporosis and the inadequate intake of dairy foods. Bone health is much more than just calcium. Vegetables, beans, fruits, and nuts are rich sources of calcium, potassium, vitamin K, magnesium, and vegetable protein, as well as the phytochemicals and micronutrients that are gaining recognition to be important for bone strength. Calcium is an important component, but like protein, we don’t need as much of it as most people think. The current U.S. daily calcium recommendation of 1200 to 1500 milligrams for postmenopausal women is an attempt to offset the ill-effects of the Standard American Diet which creates excessive calcium loss in the urine because most people consume so much sodium, caffeine and animal protein.

Contrary to popular belief, you do not need dairy products to get sufficient calcium. Every natural food contains calcium. When you eat a healthy diet, rich in natural foods such as vegetables, beans, nuts, and seeds, it is impossible not to obtain sufficient calcium. In fact, the addition of more natural plant foods to the diet has been shown to have a powerful effect on increasing bone density and bone health. Fruits and vegetables strengthen bones. Researchers found that those who eat the most fruits and vegetables have denser bones.4 These researchers concluded that fruits and vegetables are not only rich in potassium, magnesium, calcium and other nutrients essential for bone health, but, because they are alkaline, not acid-producing, they do not induce urinary calcium loss. Green vegetables, in particular have a powerful effect on reducing hip fractures, for they are not only rich in calcium, but other nutrients as well, such a vitamin K, which is crucial for bone health.5

So most unprocessed, natural foods contain calcium and green vegetables have particularly high levels. In fact, one four-ounce serving of steamed collards or kale has about the same amount of calcium as one cup of milk. Take a look at some natural foods and their approximated calcium levels.

Bok-choy two cups …………………….. 300 mg
Broccoli, two cups . . . . . . . . . ………… 150 mg
Collard greens, two cups . . . . . . . . . . . . 600 mg
Calcium-fortified orange juice (8 oz) . . 300 mg
Garbanzo beans, one cup . . . . . . . . . . . 150 mg
Kale, two cups . . . . . . . . . . . . ………… 350 mg
Milk one cup ……………………………...300 mg
Orange (one) ……………………………….60 mg
Romaine Lettuce 4 cups…………………150 mg
Sesame seeds ¼ cup…………………….350 mg
Soybeans, one cup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175 mg
Spinach, two cups…………………………500 mg
Sweet potato, two cups . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150 mg
Tahini (sesame seed paste) two tbsp. . ..300 mg"

source: drfuhrman.com

Day Four

2011-07-18T06:03:00.000-07:00

I woke up and I feel...good. Not tired, not nauseous. Not magically recovered and injury free, but good. What I'm eating tastes good. I don't feel puffy. Which I shouldn't because I'm down another pound which makes six pounds since Friday. Normally I lose a half pound every two weeks.

Now, I didn't do this because of the weight loss (although that's a nice perk) but because I felt like shit almost all the time and because I wasn't losing I was gaining. It' sheen so long since I've spent real time out of my head that I need to get to know my body better rather then just gassing up with a box of Frosted Flakes.

Now, from what I'm reading most don't start to feel ok until day four or five and then hit 'great' around day six. I think that the changes I made a month or so ago and have stuck with make this a lot easier for me. No lie. I basically just had to cut out wheat, rice, any meats (don't eat them often) and dairy.

The fact that I am doing the fifteen day version (juicing AND eating veggies and fruits) is the saving grace though. Because I am eating I don't get anxious and while I admit I've spent more time in the bathroom then usual, I think the eating of the whole food is better for my digestive system.

I'm also eating lentils and beans which is not technically 'allowed' but this isn't technically by the book either. I think I may be an accidental vegan.

SO I suspect that a great many of my general malaise related woes are in fact some sort of low grade food allergy. But I can suss that out later. Right now I need to recover from these stupid injuries. I have to think being six pounds lighter helps.

Oh, and I only wanted half a cup of coffee this morning. How crazy is that?

Where to start?

2011-07-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

Got down to 231 three weeks ago and a few days later went up to 235. Now, please don't tell me it's muscle. It takes a man daily workouts, hardcore workouts for a month to gain ONE pound of muscle. Could be water, I don't give a shit really.

Started getting tired all the time again, felt like my meds weren't working to the point I was ready to ask my doctor about switching.

Sallied forth.

Hurt my VMO which is a little muscle of great importance on the inside of your right knee. Knee problems are my big concern, no health insurance means I don't get to do risky stuff. This is why my dog scooter is rusty. *sigh*

While running intervals I compensated for the VMO by putting more weight on the left (weaker leg) and as a result ended up with an Anterior Tibliasomething basically a shin splint. This hurt so bad I considered that I may have a stress fracture. I was actually hobbling.

SO, thursday, friday, saturday, no workout, total rest. Ok, off my feet as much as possible. Ice. Advil. Today I did a totally stupid workout on the totally stupid bike thing of stupidity at the gym which I hate because it's stupidly lame.

No really. I could burn the motor off that thing and still not raise my heart rate.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, thursday, I think, I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and you should to. I've never been to invested in a person then I was with Phil (second half of the movie). Got my juicer from the basement and cleaned of the cobwebs and what I think may have been a cricket at one time.

Still really angry about not being able to run, still frustrated that I'm not losing (and no I'm not getting smaller) pissed that I did this to myself and waited so long to fix it. Flummoxed as to why my program isn't working. Or stopped, rather.

I know that my heart gets in shape, I've been that fat person doing martial arts. I do NOT want to be the fat person running. I don't, I know thats great for others, I do not want to. The last time I did any real long term exercise was gee, seven years ago?

I did the low carb thing and got done to 200 for a fifty pound loss. Was so grossed out my all the loose skin I gained it all back. Now while I know I'm gonna sag like Dumbo's Mother, it seems the slower the better as far as the folds go.

ANYway. The deal with FS and Nearly Dead is juice fasting. I figure WTF not as I can't move, really, or bear weight or do any meaningful activity. Then I realize I need food. Plus I hate the waste of a juicer.

So I decide to do a cross between Joe's plan and Dr. Furman. He's this Eat to Live dude and it's all about veggies and fruits, for the most part. It's worth looking up.

But I'm not giving up coffee, I mean I have ONE cup in the morning.

SO that started Friday. Yesterday I felt craptastical. Today I feel better and have this weird thing, I think it's called energy. I am still using my vegan protein powder, it's plant based so it's ok by me. I'm going to do this for fifteen days.

*Protein stuff I didn't know*

I don't know why they say fifteen but because it's an odd number I am totally down with that.

Then we'll see what happens. I will say I haven't thrown up since Friday. That sounds like a weird comment but understand that I throw up or at least get nauseous enough to gag every day, for the last twelve years.

No lie. No one can figure out why. Diet has no effect, except this nothing but veggies and fruits thing. So I am hoping it's a food allergy because then I can get rid of it. But mostly I am not tired. No pushing though, no nap for three days. I'm not tired and I sleep well.

And yea, I am making sure I get enough carbs, proteins and whatnot. But if this is what I can feel like, after fifteen days I think I'll add some nuts and whole grains (unless I turn out to be allergic to those) and stick with it.

I discovered sunflower seed butter. OMGosh, this stuff is awesome and has tons of magnesium. Like 25 percent in two tablespoons. 7 grams of protein.

So anyway, I'm sure it sounded like I was going to give up there several paragraphs ago. But I'm just trying something new. See, I think my mistake was starting this as if I had a healthy, functioning body I was trying to improve.

Fact is, I have an unhealthy, dysfunctional body. I don't have a good foundation to build on. While I would have preferred to not be injured, like really not preferred, at least it made me look at things more realistically.

I don't want to be a fat runner. I don't want to be the fat girl who doesn't look as fat as she is. I know I don't look 235, but I look what, 200? I don't want to settle for 200. I want to wear a large, FFS.

Running may turn out to be something I cannot physically do and that will make me very sad. That's like, my Big Goal. I have clothes and subscriptions to magazines and stuff. I LIKE running.

But I've gotten as far as I can with this body and I need a better one. It would be nice to just grab one of the shelves, but all I can do is strip (figuratively, no worries) it down and start over.

Oh and I've lost five pounds since Friday. I know it's water weight, blah, blah, but it's five pounds off my knees. Interesting thing about Dr. Furman's plan is people who do it maintain a weight loss. I was just happy to see the damn numbers go down, I wouldn't have cared if it was an arm that fell off at that point.

P.S. Ordered this wheatgrass powder. This should be interesting, the last time I had wheatgrass I was seventeen and some guy who looked like Emo Phillips made it for me. This was the same guy who 'wrote me a song' that he proceeded to sing and play on his guitar.

Given that I was a hardcore punk living on the streets of Hollywood, this was so surreal I'm surprised I didn't have some kind of psychotic break. ANYway, I immedialty threw up. He assured me that my body was 'detoxing' and that I should drink more.

I explained to him that the amount of drugs, alcohol and nicotine in my system had actually thrown the wheatgrass out. Like expelling a heretic from a church. In other words, the Dark Side Won. The conversation that followed made it clear that having a place to crash just wasn't worth the singing, detoxing and metaphysical hoo-haw.

I cleared out when he went to the kitchen to make more.

I just love me some Lorretta

2011-07-06T14:47:00.001-07:00

So I have a couple things coming up.

2011-07-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

Cancer5k.com and on the 25 of this month I start Running 101 which shold be a challenge because it's WAY more socializing then I care to do.

Ever.

Today is my rest day and I'm feeling very blech. Surrounded by piles of housework, literally, I wouldn't let you in the door that's how literal.

But all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep.

I ended up going on Glucosomine which means I am officially aged.

I did get some Frellers made as the show is Saturday (please, Sales God, show me your grace.) and have ideas but it's funny, somehow the having ideas part doesn't produce the product.

Anyway, so that's my nut shell. Not terribly exciting, I could do better and wax prosaic but I'm going to go lay on the couch. I figure I can get in three minutes before someone needs something they could just as well get/find/make themselves.

No wonder long distance running is looking better and better.

WTF?

2011-07-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

I saw this at the gym and was like, I was like, I was well, it's a stupid commercial. "Oh, my vagina itches and now I am wearing an oversized hoody and looking sad! How will I ever shop for clothing?!"

How sad...

2011-07-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

I have no ass muscle. This is why I can't do a proper squat. Because it all comes from my thighs. Go figure.

Ashley pointed out that when I get up my knees go inward to compensate. So it's near impossible for me to do a squat with anything close to resembling a straight back.

This is one of the biggest perks of having someone knowledgable watch you move around and do stuff. I'm finding I have great areas of overdeveloped and underdeveloped muscle and years spent compensating. Great traps, no deltoids. Great quads, no glutes. Really tight hip muscles, ow.

Since my priority is to avoid injury the goal now is to balance me out so I have decent form and my muscles can work as a team instead of one group dragging the other around.

Who knew how you get out of a chair could be such a big part of that?

Also, any muscle that sounds like a dinosaur is going to hurt. That is my scientific observation. Periformis, anything ending in aus/as/is or starting with Recti. The Periformis is the one that gets worked out by someone stabbing you with their finger and holding it there for what seems like eternity.

Oh, and it's turns out there is this thing tensor fasciae latae sounds cool right? Like a frozen coffee
drink. Nope, it's this really important part of you that hurts like hell when you find it.

"Although the pain may be felt mainly in the knee, the problem is actually caused by the muscles that support the knee. Namely the tensor fasciae latae and the large muscle at the rear of your upper leg, called the gluteus maxims."

I didn't even know there was stuff there.

Seems like a lot longer.

2011-07-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, here I am in April, and here I am now. Same clothes. Shorter hair again, but I look old and tired so you don't get the headshot,lol.

It's been three months. I really wanted to get under 230 for my birthday, but oh well. I am up to five minute intervals at 4.2 whatever. And yeah, I know the scale, blah, blah, but I'd really like to see those numbers go down.

Today is a rest day as I'm wrecked after training and then boxing last night. Hitting things is really fun.

I'm thinking eventually seeing pictures of myself won't be s mortifying I'll use a camera but for now it's really more of a 'Lets get this over with.' I guess when you get quality shots is when I start to feel less loathsome. Funny how you 'look' so much better then you photograph. Well, not funny, really.

When it starts to get too serious...go to YouTube (NSFW one F Bomb)

2011-06-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Manergy!!!

2011-06-29T12:19:00.001-07:00

Well, ok then.

2011-06-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

Good thing I'm resigned. Although I do have these pockets of despair that alternate with out and out this is fucked upedness.

My goal weight should be 141.2 (90 pounds to go) and I should reach it by April 2013.

Yes, 2013.

It's been far too long.

2011-06-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

No, you aren't the only one thinking Al is prettier.

Goodbye Fiona...

2011-06-21T04:36:00.000-07:00

*sigh*

The good news is I am running three minute intervals at 4 miles an hour.

The bad news is my sports bra isn't working at that distance/speed.

So for my 45th birthday this upcoming Sunday my son is buying me an Enell which is supposed to be the best for busts and should be at that price point. The trick will be buying on that works now but I can use as long as possible while I get smaller, they aren't exactly disposable.

Maybe Oprah has some that don't' fit....

Gabriel just looked at me and went 'Do you REALLY want that for your birthday?' and I was like, 'Well, I really wanted that Russian Doll Stacking video game, but..' and he was cool with it.

I do like that it hooks (apparently a kajillion times) in the front. Trying to secure one at this size is a great way to dislocate a shoulder. I end up having to do the secure in front and twist around.

I promise

2011-06-19T16:36:00.001-07:00

to never, ever refer to any of this as my 'weight loss journey'.

Random PSA Greenies Pill Pockets for Dogs

2011-06-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

I have to dose Kinley four time's a day. He takes about three large pills a go when averaged out. I gave up on trying to put them in things, he was getting fat on peanut butter and forget cheese. Plus the other two wanted in on the action.

I have been using Greenies Pill Pockets which are awesome but spendy at $11 for a 30 pocket bag. That won't even get us through two weeks. In fact his dosing comes out to about 120 times a month.

So I looked on Amazon where I get our almond milk by the case and found them for about $5 a bag. You have to buy 6 bags for $31 but it's half what I'd pay at the pet store and no tax.

Come on, if you have a kid, you've thought it.... NSFW

2011-06-17T17:11:00.001-07:00

This is a great book and the illustrations are lovely. I was thrilled when he picked Samuel Jackson. I'm pretty sure there is a clean version for kids.

Progress isn't always pretty.

2011-06-17T10:06:00.001-07:00

I hate posting these, but whatever. One of the great myths about weight loss is that it comes off evenly and you shrink like a pitiful creature under an evil villain's shrink ray. If you have a LOT of weight to lose, this is not how it works.

In fact, you may look worse there for a while, at least proportionally. Even better, while you may lose, you may not always see that loss.

I have lost 16 pounds since May which isn't shabby. I've lost inches too but of course that gut is hanging on for dear life. Even better, you can see in the last picture, I have the ass gut/boob gut thing going on. You can actually see were my ab muscles are separated after two very large pregnancies both ending in c-sections.

You can sort of make it out in the grey shirt one, in the most recent black shirt, you can see more unfortunate definition and that my gut boobs have moved up.

Lets not forget the apron there, yes, that is skin, not some weird fold thing going on with my work out pants. This area is never going to look good, but whatever. I have a sinking feeling it's going to get a lot worse, but again, whatever.

ANYhow, if you are trying to lose a lot of weight, this may very well be a part of your process. if you are not obese and reading this, do not become obese because I am not the exception to the rule, gentle reader, I am the rule. If you get very fat and stay very fat for very long, this is what is in store for you.

This, after five days a week at the gym and 1650 calories a day, everyday. This is the result of trying as hard as possible.

The picture in the grey is from May 1 and the last one is from this morning. My gut looks bigger then i the other pictures because the rest of me is smaller. I know, kind of not fair, huh?

My fitness level has improved drastically along with my stamina and I am on the art of C25K where you run for 3 minute intervals. So I have gone from 60 second intervals at 3.2 to 90 second at 3.4 to three minutes at 3.9-4.0. I can't say enough good things about this program.

Nothing hurts before, during or after. This is because the program is designed to build up. Oh, and I cannot stress the important of a good HRM. I have the FT60 and it's worth every (many of them) dime.

SO, this is where I am. it isn't where I want to be, it's better then I was. I just thought it might be helpful to someone out there to see what this looks like and what to expect.

You can see how my gut has sort of deflated,lol. You can see where my ab boobs have moved up which is why the profile picture (black) looks like I'm bigger there. It's more noticeable if you compare the blue tank top pictures with the one below it. If you click on the pic you can zoom in.

I just try and focus on the fact that there is more space between my torso and my arms. I'll take what I can get at this point.

That's fat loss and building muscle tone, it's not pretty but it's progress.

Ps. know I could lose weight a little faster. I lost 60 pounds on Low Carb seven years ago really fast (ad gained it all back, of course.). Thing is my plan isn't to lose 73 pounds and then die. My plan, God willing, is to lose 73 pounds and keep living. So I'd like to look as good as reasonably possible and be healthy enough to enjoy it.

Plus if my skin has any chance of reducing it needs to be a slow and steady low with at least a year of maintaining for recovery and any potential changes. Skin removal surgery is not an option. It's a five figure surgery, but more then that it's a month of doing NOTHING followed by six months of doing less, the recovery is really painful and the risk of complication is still fairly high.

Some have documented the process on youtube. The vast majority are GBS patients who lost tons of weight very quickly. Besides, there are consequences to doing this to oneself.

Girls in Magazines

2011-06-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

So I am supposed to be doing a focus board. SO I've been looking through tons of magazines to find a body type I'd want to have. Within reason, I mean it's never going to look fantastic.

This is the email I finally sent to my trainer.

"You know what the problem is? They have no spark, depth or fierceness. They look insipid and one dimensional. They aren't interesting.

"See how happy I am now that my ass is toned?"

I'm never going to look like that and you know, I never wanted to. I was driven by the desire to learn fight skills needed to take someone out as efficiently as possible. Like, a whole philosophy and culture and teachings hundreds of years old.

These did not involve fulfillment by ass toning.

I'm sticking with Xena. She may not be a real person, but I'm not convinced the majority of these fitness models are either.

http://www.google.com/search?q=xena+warrior+princess&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&prmd=ivns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=4EH5Tb3EIOf10gHW5_2lAw&ved=0CGQQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=604

In case you have no idea who I'm talking about. SO I queued up 134 episodes on Netflicks. Except the last one, the series ending SUCKED."

Dear Young Fat Girl,

2011-06-14T17:27:00.000-07:00

Please, lose the weight NOW. Trust me. Unless you plan on doing the whole 'I love myself so much my size doesn't matter even though I am killing myself.' thing for the rest of your life, do it NOW.

This is what I feel like pulling younger fat girls aside and saying to them. Because it's really fucking hard at almost 45. I'd imagine at 40 but I wasn't trying then. Or at 35 or 30 for that matter.

Really. Hard.

Plus the damage is done. You lose the weight at 24 and you'll pretty much be ok.

Try it at my age and struggle to convince yourself this is the healthy thing to do as you deflate into this melting Jabba the Hut thing. WHile at the same time realizing just how far gone you are, how long it will take and that you aren't going to look good with your clothes off ever again and it serves you right.

I know you don't want to hear this now. But let me be your cautionary tale.

This is a terrible place to have put oneself in. Somewhere between self loathing and being so I don't even know the word to encompass it, ashamed, maybe, that you did this to yourself. You did. For YEARS.

Sure, maybe it started out as a coping mechanism. But for this long?! Nope. I think at this point it doesn't really matter why. But, wow, yeah.

Fix it now. I urge you.

Fix it now.

See this girl?

2011-06-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

I ran into her on a website while looking for running info. She is the one who mentioned the Warrior Dash and this is her youtube vid.

So I guess I have, like, a role model. She's 39 so I'm not like, twice her age, anyway and she's lost a ton of weight.

What's cool is that she wears contacts and hers didn't fly out of her eyeballs or anything. That's my biggest worry, is that with hard lenses I'll doomed...

I don't see myself crawling under low lying tarps though. That's a big iffy.

Really?

2011-06-12T08:04:00.001-07:00

73 pounds to go. At this rate I'll be lucky to hit 160 by the time I turn fifty.

I know quitting isn't an option. It's just terribly upsetting to live with what I've done to myself.

Goat

Dies Laughing

2011-06-11T19:21:00.001-07:00

Alamo Draft House PSA (language NSFW)

2011-06-11T12:12:00.001-07:00

Its totally worth it watching the PSA's. Pineapple Express is my fav.

The Salvage Mission Continues

2011-06-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

Me and my new hair in my hallway.

Me and my new hair in my car.

I have new hair. It's, you know, my hair. Just different. I had to buy a blowdryer. And a round brush. It looks good just regular old drying by itself, but I wanted you to see it all fancy. I have come to terms with the fact this means a cut every couple months and not twice a year.

I'm not trying to be all MySpace with those photos, I don't really smile in 'real' ones either. I didn't want you to think my fancy hair made me all serious.

People ask me what's wrong all the time. Nothing is, you know, until they ask and then I'm all like 'What?' and then it's awkward.

The back is awesome too, but I haven't quite gotten the taking the back of my head picture knack. I'm loathe to risk dropping the iPhone for a picture of the back of my head.

Typical

2011-06-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

Kinley really doesn't go for all that 'I want to be your friend!" stuff. That' Lila,she is a Catahoula/Italian Greyhound (no lie) pup. An ooops litter.

But the nice thing is you get the great Catahoula coloring and the Greyhound laid back temperament.

But she has a crush on Kinley. All the young male dogs want to hang out with him and all the young bitches love him. But he really just wants to be left alone to work.

Things I learned today.

2011-05-31T15:50:00.000-07:00

1. A Foam Roller sounds nice, doesn't it? It isn't. It is a horrible instrument of torture. Satan's pool noodle.

2. Fascia (related to number 1 discovery) should be called "Shit That Hurts Like a MF" and not something that sounds kind of like Fresca, which I happen to like.

3. Sports related massage is nothing like massage. In that it hurts a lot.

4. Your calves actually have the ability to function as more then one solid lump of solidified muscle. After you are tortured with Satan's Pool Noodle and your trainer 'fixes' your legs'.

5. Anything that has a funny name, like Duck Squats, isn't.

6. Your trainer can inflict pain in you with a tennis ball. This falls into the 'fixing' category.

7. Your right shoulder is a full inch shorter then your left. Something that you were blissfully unaware of for almost 45 years but now feel like you are listing like the Titanic.

*leans to the left*

Oh, the ironing..

2011-05-30T15:58:00.001-07:00

But wait, isn't this the pot calling the kettle...black?

Counter-protesters confront Westboro Baptist Church at Arlington

Washington (CNN) -- Protesting members of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church were met with an unlikely group of counter-protesters Monday at Arlington Cemetery.

Hours before President Barack Obama led the nation's Memorial Day observances at the Tomb of the Unknowns, three members of the Westboro Baptist Church were challenged by others who disagreed with them -- including members claiming to be from the Ku Klux Klan.

The Kansas-based church has attracted nationwide attention for its angry, anti-gay protests at the funerals of U.S. military members.

Among those counter-protesting at the cemetery's main entrance: About 10 members of a group that claims to be a branch of the Ku Klux Klan from Virginia called the Knights of the Southern Cross. They were cordoned off separately in a nearby area, but drew little attention as they gave out small American flags behind a banner that read "POW-MIA."

They said they were there to object to the Westboro Baptist Church's anti-troop message.

"It's the soldier that fought and died and gave them that right to free speech," said Dennis LaBonte, the self-described "Imperial Wizard" of the KKK group that he said he formed several years ago.

"That's fine," said Abigail Phelps, the daughter of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. "They have no moral authority on anything.

"People like them say it's white power ... white supremacy," Phelps said. "The Bible doesn't say anywhere that it's an abomination to be born of a certain gender or race."

LaBonte insisted he is not a racist nor a "hate-monger," but said he believes the white race is "slowly and most assuredly being denigrated."

Members of the group declined to say whether they were armed.

A larger group of about 70 protesters -- separate from the KKK -- located across the street waved pro-USA signs and took turns shouting down the Westboro Baptist Church group.

Some of the counter-protesters, including Malaika Elias, stood in front of the Westboro participants in an attempt to block them from street view.

"I think they're twisted and confused, and we're just here to show them there are people who think they're completely wrong," Elias said.

Many passersby shouted their thanks to the counter-protesters as they entered the cemetery on foot and in vehicles.

Several police officers, some on horseback, observed the proceedings.

Phelps said her trio was there to tell people they should not "idolize" the dead, especially those who died for an "unrighteous cause."

Oh, what the hell.

2011-05-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

So June 26 I turn 45. Um, yay?

I got tired of being really fat.

So I decided not to be anymore. Although not being fat takes a really long time. You know, if you do it in a healthy, non invasive or surgical way.

The lovely grey picture (I have no idea what that circle is, looks like I played a coaster) is me about 25 days ago at 236.

Black one is about 12 days ago.

Blue one is me realizing the black one was sort of cheating so I squeezed myself into a normal person's XL running shirt. That's me just now at 233.8.

I got annoyed because the XL was so 'small' and then I though "WTF? Of course it is, it's a RUNNER's XL." Thinking out of the fat box.

My goal is 160. If I'm lucky I'll clear 200 by the end of the year. It's sensible. It's really slow. But it's sensible.

SO there you go, this is the big (ha) reason I haven't been blogging or making or listing. Because I'm too tired after going to the gym five days a week. Although I'm doing C25K and really liking it.

Who knew?

Oh and in case anyone is wondering out a HRM? The Polar FT60 is worth every (lots of them) dime. It has totally changed the way I work out and I've gotten MUCH better results. I have the Flow Link which lets me download info into the site. Very cool.

My Fitness Pal horrible name, great site. Best food tracker I have ever used but be warned the exercise calculator is WAY off. Like my HRM will say 200 calories burned and MFP will say 600. But the interface is very user friendly.

p.s. Poor Gabriel has to keep taking these pictures with my iPhone. When I lose more we'll graduate to a real camera.

Dear Mr. Brunswick, NJ

2011-05-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

I can certainly sympathize with wanting to buy things and not having enough money. Things like food and medicine and rent. Vet and medical care. Gas.

I see you did use my check card number to get gas. I'm thinking judging by the amount ($30) you must not be driving a gas guzzler and for that, I salute you.

That being said, almost $700 of booze? Really? Sure $233 of it was at The Wine Chateau and that sounds way classier then the Spirit Unlimited outlets you hit during the same few hours. I see you must be familiar with the staff there as why else would a teller put through a charge for $127.17 twice?

It must have sucked when my bank shut you down after you tried to reserve a hotel room in (of all places) Alaska.

I appreciate you being so blatant in your endeavor that the bank will, eventually, return the money you stole. Plus, I got to hang out at my bank three times this week. You know, to sign disputes and get a new card.

Usually, I just make my deposits at the drive through, but this was ever so much more personal and interactive. Took lots of time too. I was able to enjoy the soft jazz my bank always has playing. Or I would have, if I enjoyed soft jazz.

In closing, I'm sure you had quite the party. Perhaps, when you sober up, you could get a job. Pay for your own purchases even if it is enough booze to fill a pool with, who am I to judge?

I do hope you are caught. I very much hope so. I think it's important to have time to reflect on decisions we make that perhaps weren't the best ones.

In closing, as for me, I will be waiting to get my $700 back so that I may then purchase the aforementioned items. Food, medicine, etc. It's not as exciting or glamourous as The Wine Chateau, but I do the best I can.

Sincerely,

Holly McConnell

I bought this. It doesn't fit. Yet.

2011-05-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

Theme Song. Everybody needs one.

2011-05-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm...

2011-05-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

You know, the second week of Week One C25K (I'm making them months) didn't suck as much. At one point I was kind of enjoying myself.

*goes to look for pod under bed*

Oh, finally...

2011-05-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

I know it's a bra. Its a high impact sports bra, to be exact. But see, this bra comes in D and DD. You may not know how hard it is for find a 40DD Sport Bra. It's hard. I tried on 12 bras before I found her. Bra shopping is bad enough, but the ones that go over your head kill my shoulder.

She fastens in the back like, well, like a bra and has comfy adjustable (in the front!) straps. This bra's name is Fiona. The store had ONE in this size.

She is soft and silky and supportive. And lined! With actual shaping to boot. About $42 which is a fair price. I'm just giddy.

Warrior Dash

2011-05-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

Warrior Dash

This is what I want to do next year. No 5K stuff. This.

VIDEO

Review

Goat Mountain Arts

I Am A Super Hero

Victory!

Wish Me Luck

*dies laughing*

Apologies in Advance

I could SO use some Muppets.

About that running outside thing.

Happy Dog

Race results

How did I miss these?

In which I Fall Off The Wagon and Land On My Fat Ass

The Cure is Now 5K

What the Hell

Meet My Internal Locust

I have a cold

No, really. Really?! Yep, it's a real product.

I just peed my pants I'm SO excited.

Increasing mileage

From Twelve In Twelve

You wouldn't think

I've been a little busy.

Funny.

I guess something is better then nothing?

Run/Walk To Restore Sanity and/or Fear 5K

East Potomac Park golf course entrance,

Saturday, April 28, 2012 @ 8:00 AM

http://www.safetyandhealthfoundation.org/20120428/

Bwhahahahaaaa...

Sept Pic

I've been grinning all day.

Well said.

Awesome...

Remember when this blog was about making things?

Update

In which it gets worse.

Really?

Must Do

Awesome!

First 5K

Check this out...

Running Madness

Saucony Cortana

I know it's not Christmas, but...

So I'm going to do it.

SO MUCH, SO LITTLE (wtf caps lock?)

Dies Laughing

The Hard Way

The Myth Of Balance

Marathon Challenge Documentary

Good thing I checked.

Sunday Music Leonard Cohen

August Pictures

I needed this.

DOMS, Blue Hanger and a PSA

Ok, I'll tell you then.

Oh, FINE.

Goat Milk Soap

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

Want

Chia Seeds

Tastes better then it looks, honest.

Anything else?

Well, that kinda sucks.

Thats funny.

Day Nine

I love you Tim! *screaming fan girl sound*

Whatever.

July Pics

Random Nutritional Fact

Day Four

Where to start?

I just love me some Lorretta

So I have a couple things coming up.

WTF?

How sad...

Seems like a lot longer.

When it starts to get too serious...go to YouTube (NSFW one F Bomb)

Well, ok then.

It's been far too long.

dies laughing

I love you Tim! screaming fan girl sound